Name: Adam Bernard Home: Fairfield, Connecticut, United States About Me: Entertainment journalist with 15+ years of experience. Supporter of indie music. Lover of day baseball, fringe movies, & chicken shawarma. Part time ninja. Nerdy, but awesome. See my complete profile
Fall is here and although the seasons may be changing the M.O. here at From A to B 90’s Style remains the same; great commentary on 90’s music videos! This month Bear Frazer and I take a look at clips from Ahmad, Garbage, Tatyana Ali and Donna Lewis, adding in our brilliant observations and insights along way. Enjoy!
Adam: I’m choosing this video because I'm old now and sometimes I need to reminisce.
Bear: Magnifying glass? Are they burning ants? Adam: Bear, do you mack on baby hood rats? Bear: Every now and again, when I'm broke. Adam: Hey, I had karate shoes... still do! Bear: They have pretty neat handwriting. Adam: Dude, Ahmad got FUCKED UP as a kid. Bear: Was it ever cool to look like a walrus? Adam: Ask The Beatles. Yo, I remember way back when... way back in my twenties. Bear: Really? Did you mack on hood rats then too? Adam: Yes. Ha ha. They had Poison airbrushed on their backsides. Now all I see on girl’s asses is the word "PINK." Bear: Ha ha. Nice. It's a good video, considering it was made off a 300 dollar budget. That also included catering from what I heard. Adam: Home videos and children's artwork works wonders. Bear: Perhaps Danzig can take notes. Adam: Ha. I sit and wish I was kid again, cuz then USA Up All Night would be on right now.
Bear: Here’s my first choice.
Adam: I love me some Shirley Manson. Bear: She was so hot in this video. Adam: And I also love me some stupid girls. Bear: Mmmmm mmmmm. I never understood why this video looked so shoddy, though. Adam: Maybe it was shot by a stupid girl and she was all mad Shirley was making fun of her, so she was like "fuck you Shirley, I'm not even gonna white balance!" Bear: Ha ha. If Shirley Manson wasn't in this video the stupid girl videographer wouldn't have a job. Good lord, does she have DSLs! Adam: Yeah. You know, I was just thinking, this would be a fairly terrible wedding song. Bear: Man, Shirley seems very upset at this girl. This stupid girl sounds more like a stupid whore. Adam: She likes to tame? Hmmm, stupid girl now sounds like a dominatrix. Bear: European girls make things sound kinky. Ask Scary Spice about that. Adam: Whoa, that ended abruptly, but here at From A to B we don’t even have to watch the ENTIRE video, so fuck it. Bear: Precisely. A stupid cut job by a YouTube poster. How fitting, eh? Adam: Yes, she must have been a stupid girl.
Adam: OK, hate me for this, but I wanna run with one of my favorite females here.
Bear: It's Ashley Banks! Adam: Ashley Banks in the muthafukkin house, but why is the airport abandoned? Bear: Because Tatyana Ali stops traffic… including air traffic. Adam: She looks like she just came from the gym. Whoa, hey now, swimsuit! Bear: Now it looks like she just came from a picnic. Adam: She wrote this about me. True story. Bear: Well, the song is better than the video. Now if she were just in a bathing suit the whole time it would be a helluva lot better. Adam: Daydreaming through air travel posters Bear: Hey, who's this guy? Adam: Worst line ever coming up. Bear: Is Fresh Prince going to have to choke out a wanksta? Adam: “You on channel 11 / I carry the M11 / RJ call the reverend / it's a match made in heaven.” Bear: Is that Daddy Yankee in the white shirt? Adam: Ha ha! That’s Peter Gunz, father of Cory Gunz. Bear: Now who's this cracker? Adam: Is that Antonio Sabato Jr.? Bear: Damn, this chick is boy crazy. Adam: Get your grubby paws off my dame! I'm old now, so I can say that.
Bear: Now you can hate me.
Adam: You’re so fucking gay. Ha ha! Bear: Donna Lewis looks so adorable. She needs some new Rimmel though. Adam: With her white outfit and black boots? Bear: Why is she in a padded room? Adam: Whoa, almost titties! Well, it’s safe to say the most exciting thing in this video just happened. Bear: I'm still looking for them. Adam: Is this camera person the same one from the Garbage video? Bear: OK, this is making me nauseous. Not the tits, but the damn camera angles. Adam: All aboard the same train of thought. Bear: She is bending over. Mmmmm. Assume the position. Adam: “Forever” is a scary ass word coming from Donna Lewis. Bear: What's even scarier is her trying to play piano. Adam: This song and video could have been just as at home in 1987. Bear: Why is she wearing her boots like mittens? Adam: Cuz she's in a padded cell. Bear: Must have been the same room Britney once occupied.