Name: Adam Bernard Home: Fairfield, Connecticut, United States About Me: Entertainment journalist with 15+ years of experience. Supporter of indie music. Lover of day baseball, fringe movies, & chicken shawarma. Part time ninja. Nerdy, but awesome. See my complete profile
Lookin at my calendar it’s about that time… for another installment of 90’s music video madness provided by your two favorite purveyors of pop culture, Adam B and Bear Frazer! This month we’re talking a look at clips by Green Jello (who are also known as Green Jelly), Alan Jackson, Mandy Moore and Carlos Santana. Oh it’s about to crazy up in here!
Adam: I'm just going to be ridiculous with my first selection.
Adam: Ah, pig ass. Bear: Those pigs are mooning us. That's not very polite. Adam: Are the California Raisins in this? Whoa, that wolf stole my shades. Bear: Is that Larry The Cable Guy? Adam: Too skinny. Bear: True, so it’s just a redneck pig. Adam: How does he plug all that into a house made of straw? Bear: Good question, but I wanna know why the wolf has a carrot guitar? He looks like he’s jerking off his carrot. Adam: Wolves get a bad rap. The Three Little Pigs, Little Red Riding Hood… we need a wolf anti-defamation association. Bear: Yeah. Oh, they're chillin in Hollywood. I think this is more realistic than The Hills. Adam: It is. Perhaps Lauren Conrad will make a cameo. Bear: Whoa! Sylvester Stallone was everywhere during the 90's, wasn't he? Adam: Wolf homicide is nothing to joke about Green Jello! Bear: But skinning three fat pigs will always make me giggle. Adam: Everyone loves a little ham. Hey does that last message they just said apply to us? Bear: Um... I don't think so.
Bear: OK, it's my pick and it's high time we played a little country music up in here.
Adam: WTF! Bear: It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Alan Jackson jet skiing! Look, he is so happy and his cowboy hat isn't even getting wet. Adam: Bear, your redneck roots are showing. Bear: Don't say that. That hurts. Adam: OK, chick in red one piece swimsuit. I like this now, too. Bear: Is she a Chattahoochee? Adam: Is that a mullet? Whoooah, watermobile! Bear: Talking about cars and dreaming about woman… a redneck's gossip network. Adam: Dog? Check. Truck? Check. Not gettin any? Check. Yep, this is a country song. Bear: Red cowboy boots? Check. WATCH OUT DONATELLO! Adam: It’s hotter than a hoochie coochie. Bear: Alan Jackson loves burgers and grape snow cones. Adam B, on the other hand, doesn’t. Adam: No, not as a replacement for sex. Girls, lemme tell ya, burgers and snow cones do not cure blue balls. Bear: Ha ha ha. Alan Jackson just proved that if his country career doesn't work out he can always be a pro jet skier.
Adam: Bringing it back to pop music...
Adam: Ah suburbia. Bear: That kid sucks at Frisbee. Adam: Do they keep Mandy in the attic? Bear: Yeah, because she wants you to give it to her. Adam: Um, Mandy, you're 15 in this, I will most certainly not "give it to you." Bear: You dirty little whore. You save that for a molester like Wilmer Valderrama. Adam: What part of the body is the knay-ees? Bear: How is she driving? Adam: Eyes on the road! Bear: How many 15 year olds have a license? Adam: Nice parking job. Bear: Hey, a jukebox. Remember those? Adam: Damnit Mandy, you broke Vinnie Chase's heart!!! That's Aquaman we're talking about!!! Bear: Look at that dude. He wants to Batman that chick. Adam: Mandy's still in that awkward lanky phase in this vid. Bear: And her dance moves are so… lacking. Dancing in a skate ramp? That’s danger… high voltage Adam: Hey, how many backup dancers do you think that skateboarder take out in rehearsal? Bear: I’m glad you asked. The answer is six.
Bear: And now an all-time great.
Adam: Rob Thomas was awesome on this. Bear: And this is probably why he went solo, but that dude needs to lose the cowboy hat, they're in The Bronx! Adam: It works for the naked cowboy. Ooh, a hot woman... literally. Bear: Look! It's Sesame Street minus the giant bird and smack addicted elephant. Adam: Don’t you just love bringing the band together and playing some music on a crowded street? Bear: Uh oh, Carlos did a jig! Adam: Damn that chick in the window is hot. Bear: So many hot chicks in this video. Adam: Gotta love the Latinas. Bear: I heard after this video, there was a huge orgy. Adam: Are you high? Bear: Um, no comment. Adam: I can remember dancing in the street like that as a youth. We'd do the robot and the neighbors would throw garbage at us. Wow, what a strange, bugged out, look from Rob. Bear: That was a bit rude of him, wasn't it? Adam: I concur.