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Name: Adam Bernard
Home: Fairfield, Connecticut, United States
About Me: Entertainment journalist with 15+ years of experience. Supporter of indie music. Lover of day baseball, fringe movies, & chicken shawarma. Part time ninja. Nerdy, but awesome.
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From A to B 90’s Style – Episode 7
Friday, July 18, 2008

Lookin at my calendar it’s about that time… for another installment of 90’s music video madness provided by your two favorite purveyors of pop culture, Adam B and Bear Frazer! This month we’re talking a look at clips by Green Jello (who are also known as Green Jelly), Alan Jackson, Mandy Moore and Carlos Santana. Oh it’s about to crazy up in here!

Adam: I'm just going to be ridiculous with my first selection.

Adam: Ah, pig ass.
Bear: Those pigs are mooning us. That's not very polite.
Adam: Are the California Raisins in this? Whoa, that wolf stole my shades.
Bear: Is that Larry The Cable Guy?
Adam: Too skinny.
Bear: True, so it’s just a redneck pig.
Adam: How does he plug all that into a house made of straw?
Bear: Good question, but I wanna know why the wolf has a carrot guitar? He looks like he’s jerking off his carrot.
Adam: Wolves get a bad rap. The Three Little Pigs, Little Red Riding Hood… we need a wolf anti-defamation association.
Bear: Yeah. Oh, they're chillin in Hollywood. I think this is more realistic than The Hills.
Adam: It is. Perhaps Lauren Conrad will make a cameo.
Bear: Whoa! Sylvester Stallone was everywhere during the 90's, wasn't he?
Adam: Wolf homicide is nothing to joke about Green Jello!
Bear: But skinning three fat pigs will always make me giggle.
Adam: Everyone loves a little ham. Hey does that last message they just said apply to us?
Bear: Um... I don't think so.

Bear: OK, it's my pick and it's high time we played a little country music up in here.

Adam: WTF!
Bear: It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Alan Jackson jet skiing! Look, he is so happy and his cowboy hat isn't even getting wet.
Adam: Bear, your redneck roots are showing.
Bear: Don't say that. That hurts.
Adam: OK, chick in red one piece swimsuit. I like this now, too.
Bear: Is she a Chattahoochee?
Adam: Is that a mullet? Whoooah, watermobile!
Bear: Talking about cars and dreaming about woman… a redneck's gossip network.
Adam: Dog? Check. Truck? Check. Not gettin any? Check. Yep, this is a country song.
Bear: Red cowboy boots? Check. WATCH OUT DONATELLO!
Adam: It’s hotter than a hoochie coochie.
Bear: Alan Jackson loves burgers and grape snow cones. Adam B, on the other hand, doesn’t.
Adam: No, not as a replacement for sex. Girls, lemme tell ya, burgers and snow cones do not cure blue balls.
Bear: Ha ha ha. Alan Jackson just proved that if his country career doesn't work out he can always be a pro jet skier.

Adam: Bringing it back to pop music...

Adam: Ah suburbia.
Bear: That kid sucks at Frisbee.
Adam: Do they keep Mandy in the attic?
Bear: Yeah, because she wants you to give it to her.
Adam: Um, Mandy, you're 15 in this, I will most certainly not "give it to you."
Bear: You dirty little whore. You save that for a molester like Wilmer Valderrama.
Adam: What part of the body is the knay-ees?
Bear: How is she driving?
Adam: Eyes on the road!
Bear: How many 15 year olds have a license?
Adam: Nice parking job.
Bear: Hey, a jukebox. Remember those?
Adam: Damnit Mandy, you broke Vinnie Chase's heart!!! That's Aquaman we're talking about!!!
Bear: Look at that dude. He wants to Batman that chick.
Adam: Mandy's still in that awkward lanky phase in this vid.
Bear: And her dance moves are so… lacking. Dancing in a skate ramp? That’s danger… high voltage
Adam: Hey, how many backup dancers do you think that skateboarder take out in rehearsal?
Bear: I’m glad you asked. The answer is six.

Bear: And now an all-time great.

Adam: Rob Thomas was awesome on this.
Bear: And this is probably why he went solo, but that dude needs to lose the cowboy hat, they're in The Bronx!
Adam: It works for the naked cowboy. Ooh, a hot woman... literally.
Bear: Look! It's Sesame Street minus the giant bird and smack addicted elephant.
Adam: Don’t you just love bringing the band together and playing some music on a crowded street?
Bear: Uh oh, Carlos did a jig!
Adam: Damn that chick in the window is hot.
Bear: So many hot chicks in this video.
Adam: Gotta love the Latinas.
Bear: I heard after this video, there was a huge orgy.
Adam: Are you high?
Bear: Um, no comment.
Adam: I can remember dancing in the street like that as a youth. We'd do the robot and the neighbors would throw garbage at us. Wow, what a strange, bugged out, look from Rob.
Bear: That was a bit rude of him, wasn't it?
Adam: I concur.

Previous Episodes

Episode 6
Episode 5
Episode 4


posted by Adam Bernard @ 7:56 AM  
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