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Name: Adam Bernard
Home: Fairfield, Connecticut, United States
About Me: Entertainment journalist with 15+ years of experience. Supporter of indie music. Lover of day baseball, fringe movies, & chicken shawarma. Part time ninja. Nerdy, but awesome.
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From A to B 90’s Style – Episode 6
Friday, June 20, 2008

Welcome to an all hard rockin edition of From A to B 90’s Style, your monthly look back at what made the 90’s music scene so special… and sometimes so awful. I am, of course, joined by my fellow superstar journalist Bear “F’in” Frazer as this month we take a look at videos by The Prodigy, Orgy, R.E.M. and Reef. Three cheers for incredibly short band names!

Adam: We start by rockin with the insane.


Bear: Nice! My favorite freaks... in electronica music, that is, and best of all they’re true Electro folks – they’re from England!
Adam: Prodigy definitely made some of the sickest electronic music ever.
Bear: Killer headbutt! Look at them... they really want someone to play a game with them. Maybe it's Dance Dance Revolution.
Adam: Prodigy would FUCK UP DDR. Hmm, a black dude with crazy tats or a white guy with freaky hair and pierced everything... which one does the cop harass first?
Bear: Obviously the black dude.
Adam: True, we're talking about cops here
Bear: Look at that crocodile. He seems very relaxed in such an intense setting.
Adam: Cuz he's breathing.
Bear: Perhaps that's also because Adam Sandler killed his brother instead of him
Adam: These guys have some bug issues.
Bear: I know. Haven't they ever heard of Raid?
Adam: That hole in the wall isn't too good either.
Bear: They must have some wicked magnet in the ceiling.
Adam: Perhaps a MONSTER Magnet.
Bear: Uh oh, the croc is angry! He must not like the magnet, or the scary black dude. Man, that black dude is insulting that cracker, calling him a psycho and insane.
Adam: Well, he's right. All white people are insane.
Bear: Yeah. All thanks to Macaulay Culkin giving us crackers a bad rep.

Bear: Here’s another personal fave I know we both like.


Adam: Ah, science class.
Bear: I know, right? Enter Dexter's Lab.
Adam: I liked Candyass, does that make me emo?
Bear: Only if you like makeup and glitter.
Adam: I own glitter, but only so I can throw it at you at inopportune times.
Bear: Ha ha! These dudes love wax clothing. Hello 1984!
Adam: How much for a band in a box?
Bear: Look at all these computer screens and this white setting. I bet this influenced all Apple stores nationwide.
Adam: Yeah, later I'm going to go have an iOrgy.
Bear: Sweet. I’ve heard iOrgy's are awesome.
Adam: They're the best.
Bear: I bet that chick is invited.
Adam: She'll get an evite.
Bear: That's what happens when you break somebody's iHeart. You stitch it up with an iOrgy.
Adam: So, how come this band is all dudes but they call themselves Orgy?
Bear: Adam, some things are best left unanswered.
Adam: I think I've figured out too much.

Adam: We stay rockin with my next pick.


Adam: this is some shoddy camera work.
Bear: REM is the best band on earth. Why? Because they can make an awesome song and shoot an awesome video, with shoddy camerawork, for 30 bucks!
Adam: Yeah, "let's just get together in the old warehouse and bring that flashing light."
Bear: Watch out, Prodigy, Michael Stipe would mess you up in Dance Dance Revolution.
Adam: Or perhaps Writhe Writhe Revolution
Bear: True. I just can't decide what is cooler, he bright flashing lights or Michael Stipe's bald alien skull.
Adam: I can see the reflection of the moon in it.
Bear: Uh oh, killer guitar solo. It looks like he is giving himself open pelvis surgery.
Adam: I've oftentimes envisioned Michael Stipe as Bonk.
Bear: E.T.'s lost cousin.
Adam: Sam Cassell's white brother
Bear: Are they singing to a giant photo of an airplane? Evidently, not even they want to be there.
Adam: Seriously, record label... it's called a budget! Oh man, I think I'm having a seizure.
Bear: Look. This video gave you a seizure and it cost R.E.M. thirty bucks. Gnarls Barkely, on the other hand… Oh my God! It's me!
Adam: ROTFL!!!
Bear: I forgot, I was in this video! The lights must've made me forgot!
Adam: Can I get my head out from in-between my legs yet?

Bear: You’ll hate me for this one.


Adam: Oh great, now you go and ruin my day with some fruity ass rock band.
Bear: Hey, speaking of bands in a box…
Adam: He sounds like he's having a large object inserted into his ass. Don't place your hands on his hole? WHAT?
Bear: That's why he wants you to run his fingers... through his soul.
Adam: Do you know these guys personally, because I can't imagine another reason you'd choose this video.
Bear: Yeah, we chill with Georges St. Pierre regularly. I can't put my hands on, though. Evidently, I ran out of batteries.
Adam: I bet this guy has Don West's old job selling baseball cards at 3am on cable.
Bear: I think dude is having a seizure.
Adam: …and his ass exploded in a watery burst.
Bear: I wonder how many gallons of water they wasted shooting this video.
Adam: My hands are on, damnit!
Bear: What are they on? A bottle of Aquafina?
Adam: Oh no, that's not water my friend!

Previous Episodes

Episode 5
Episode 4
Episode 3

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posted by Adam Bernard @ 7:46 AM  
1 Comments:
  • At 3:54 PM, Blogger Crew54 said…

    ohh shit yall are wrong for the Sam Cassell comment, even though we've been calling him an Alien Baby for years now.

     
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