Name: Adam Bernard Home: Fairfield, Connecticut, United States About Me: Entertainment journalist with 15+ years of experience. Supporter of indie music. Lover of day baseball, fringe movies, & chicken shawarma. Part time ninja. Nerdy, but awesome. See my complete profile
Alert! There is a rumor that a Bear is loose in NYC! Oh, wait, that’s just Bear Frazer, who joins me once again to give you your regular does of 90’s music video memories. This month we’re taking a look at clips by Adina Howard, Everything, Butthole Surfers and LL Cool J. Enjoy!
Adam: Let’s start with a song that I remember fondly from high school.
Bear: Three black ladies dancing with a car… where have I seen this before? Adam: Rollin on hubcaps. Bear: It looks like a busy day on the highway. Adam: Yeah, well when you're singing about how much of a freak you are people come out and drive up to your car like "yo, lemme get dem drawers!" Bear: And those dance moves, they're seductive. Adam: And those fingernails... GAWD DAMN! Chick looks like she has Fritos on her fingers. Bear: Oh and look at the other one, that girl doesn't have her overalls hooked. How sloppy! Adam: I hope they play this at my cousin's wedding in November. Bear: But seriously, how seductive can you be by dancing like a… oh, nevermind, she is ass clapping the water. Adam: Adina Howard water torture. Waterboard me baby!
Bear: You’re gonna hate my first choice.
Adam: WTF? Bear you fucking redneck… this has banjos in it! Bear: Their haircuts are so awesome. Adam: Does she have enough hooch to get me drunk enough to enjoy this? Bear: It's like Color Me Badd, but not as talented or energetic. It's like Lil’ Jon on JBL's de-energizing drink. Adam: Is that girl even "of age?" Bear: Is Jamie Lynn Spears? Damn! That dude sucks at stickball! Adam: Sadly, there probably are people who lost their virginity to this. Bear: They drunk the hooch and got loose. AHHHH! REAL MONSTERS! When did the sun turn evil? Adam: When we killed the ozone layer. Bear: Seriously, who throws a concert on their front porch? And where are their licenses? Didn't we learn something from Wayne's World 2? Adam: “Hey everybody, I have a really cool band, they're gonna be playing in my yard, come through!” Bear: The lead singer looks like Jamie Kennedy, before he was rolling with Saget.
Adam: Alright, I don't even want to bless you with this now, but since I'm a nice guy…
Bear: Great song! Uh oh, this situation looks serious. Adam: One niner, one niner, we have an incident… it involves the Butthole Surfers. Bear: Look at him. He is stoned giving an interview. Adam: Wait, no, look at him, it’s ERIC ESTRADA! Bear: Gibby Haynes sings so depressingly, but he looks so happy. Isn't that peculiar? Adam: His smile is creepier than the eharmony guy’s. Bear: Fo' shizzle! Adam: Man, that's great bass! Bear: Why is the police squad dancing? Shouldn't they be out fighting crime? Adam: I think this is cop rock. Bear: Why were they in love with dying? Dying ain't cool… unless it's with poison apples. Then that's cool. Adam: No, man, they're in love with Di because, you know, she was the people's princess. Bear: At least they love something, but how ghetto was that tanning by a lamp? Adam: It’s the end of the video… WTF did they solve?
Bear: You're gonna thank me for this...
Adam: Yes! It’s a Queens thing! Bear: And a neighborhood party thing. Adam: To quote Sticky Fingaz "I get more pussy than them dike bitches Total." Hey, is Biggie driving!?!? Bear: I knew he was alive! This is definitely one of the better Hip-Hop club songs of the 90's. Adam: I have the cassingle. Bear: Look at LL riding a bike. Even paperboys can get laid! Adam: Paperboy rocked. Bear: I love the way she moves her hands, it's like action figure hands. Adam: Note to self - buy more chocolate syrup. Bear: That's so rude. Doesn't she know she'll be sticky? Adam: Ummm… hahaha! He makes it burn when it's his turn? Ummm... Bear: He's chilling outside. I guess he is reflecting on the sex and dumping the chocolate syrup on the girl. That was rude. Adam: They'll put her in that Adina Howard water scene so she can booty clap herself clean. Bear: LL is a beast, and, evidently, Ray J's hero.