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Name: Adam Bernard
Home: Fairfield, Connecticut, United States
About Me: Entertainment journalist with 15+ years of experience. Supporter of indie music. Lover of day baseball, fringe movies, & chicken shawarma. Part time ninja. Nerdy, but awesome.
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From A to B 90's Style – Episode 8
Friday, August 15, 2008

Need your fix of nineties niceness? Don’t avoid the crave, fulfill it with this month’s episode of From A to B 90’s Style. Pull up a chair (if you aren’t in one already) and enjoy the tasty commentary provided by fellow superstar journalist Bear Frazer and I on videos from TLC, Oasis, Skee-Lo and Semisonic. Mmmm, irreverent commentary.

Adam: I'm going to start things off on the TLC tip.

Adam: RIP Left Eye.
Bear: Nice wardrobe. I bought that for cheap at the dollar store.
Adam: I love T-Boz's voice. It sounds like she smokes eight packs a day.
Bear: Is that a Jets football? Where's Brett Favre?
Adam: In camp, wishing he could throw it that far.
Bear: Look at those graphics and that pink ladder. This breathes 1992.
Adam: Where are all these women who aren’t too proud to beg? I need to find me a few. Hey! That dude was looking at you.
Bear: I'm used to it. The cops look at me, too.
Adam: This song can still rock any party. It's a classic jam everyone can get down to. AAAH what did she do with those scissors?!?!
Bear: It's called circumcision. I wouldn't know about it... the only thing I know is I am circumcised. Too much info?
Adam: WAY too much.
Bear: Thought so.
Adam: We haven't had a really great female rapper since Left Eye, have we?
Bear: Unfortunately not. At least not a rapper with the same distinct vocals, or a female rapper who doesn't always talk about being treated like a dirty whore or being a crack-addicted gangster.

Bear: My first selection is all about the love.

Adam: This is one of the most beautiful songs every written. It's so good I didn't even believe they did it, I was convinced it had to be a remake.
Bear: I would have to concur. It’s almost as beautiful as “Freedom ‘90.”
Adam: You KNOW that's my jam.
Bear: This was the pinnacle of their career… and they haven't been as good since.
Adam: Too bad these two brothers couldn’t get through a set without a fistfight.
Bear: How eerily similar did everybody think they were to The Beatles when this song came out?
Adam: Yeah, and how many times did they say they were the new Beatles? That got annoying.
Bear: Throw that at your Wonderwall and smoke it.
Adam: Do you think a Wonderwall is like one of those things with Velcro that you can trampoline onto?
Bear: Of course. That's what you do when you don't know how to say something meaningful to your woman.
Adam: "Hey baby, I just wanted to say.... check out this bitchin wall!"

Adam: My next one is a straight up anthem for the height impaired.

Bear: Those suit pants look a little too small for that midget.
Adam: Forrest Gump illness. This was, and still is, my theme song.
Bear: You wish you were 6'9"?
Adam: Well, I’d certainly call my girl like he says in the song.
Bear: He's warming the bench with a fat man. That fat man’s name: Kenan Thompson. Whatever happened to self-respect, Skee-Lo? Huh?
Adam: Hey, he's just keeping it real. I mean REALLY real.
Bear: Skee-Lo was the inspiration behind Eminem's diss in 8 Mile. But unlike B. Rabbit, Skee-Lo just tore himself apart.
Adam: Nice Pharcyde reference mid-song; they “keep on passing me by.”
Bear: Hey Kenan, give him back his chocolates!
Adam: Does his girl have kids? What's up with the toddlers in the backseat of the car?
Bear: Skee-Lo must've also created the term "baby daddy." And come on Skee-Lo, keep yer pants on!

Bear: Finally, there's no better song to close with than this one.

Adam: I heard this song waaay too much in college. Every bar would play this at 3:45am.
Bear: I like Semisonic, they live green… despite keeping the lights on everywhere they go.
Adam: This was one of those songs you know they wrote because it had guaranteed play at every bar in America. They knew it would get played every night at last call.
Bear: Doesn't that singer look like Dawson, but anorexic in comparison?
Adam: Ummm, you watch Dawson’s Creek?
Bear: I meant that quarterback from Varsity Blues.
Adam: His name is James Van Der Beek!
Bear: Um, moving along…
Adam: He guested on How I Met Your Mother last season and was awesome. You know you have posters of him in your room.
Bear: Do not! Just Spongebob!
Adam: It's all James Van Der Beek and Rich Cronin.
Bear: Look, riding a bike. That's pretty green.
Adam: I know who I want to take me home... someone sober.
Bear: Look at that car. No one is driving it. It was purchased just to lean (back) on.
Adam: I have ten for the exact same purpose. WHAT UP!

Previous Episodes

Episode 7
Episode 6
Episode 5


posted by Adam Bernard @ 7:48 AM  
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