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Name: Adam Bernard
Home: Fairfield, Connecticut, United States
About Me: Entertainment journalist with 15+ years of experience. Supporter of indie music. Lover of day baseball, fringe movies, & chicken shawarma. Part time ninja. Nerdy, but awesome.
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From A to B 90’s Style – Episode 11
Friday, November 28, 2008

You had to know I wasn’t going to let the month end without a fresh episode of From A to B 90’s Style! November sees your two favorite superstar journalists, Adam B and Bear Frazer, taking a look at videos from Kriss Kross, Aerosmith, Vengaboys and Everclear. Enjoy!

Adam: I’m starting with an important lesson regarding timeliness.

Bear: That is one eerie clock.
Adam: No wonder they missed the bus.
Bear: And why is the bus in an abandoned desert?
Adam: Cuz that’s how Kris Kross rolls.
Bear: How did they miss the bus? Weren't they just on the bus? I'm confused.
Adam: Maybe if they wore their pants the right way they'd catch the damned bus. And where’s Mista FAB, isn’t he the yellow bus driver?
Bear: I don't know what's worse, the 80's graphics or the video concept.
Adam: Why is everyone dead!?
Bear: I remember when I missed the bus once. My mom had to drive me.
Adam: According to this video if you miss the bus you end up in a unemployed man's LSD laced dream of Judge Mathis.
Bear: At least Kriss Kross does.
Adam: Wait, they sleep together?
Bear: Perhaps. That isn't for me to speculate.

Bear: Now it’s time for some rock.

Bear: That’s weird.
Adam: Bear, is this is fetish porn?
Bear: I hope not.
Adam: Oh I think it is. I bet that blonde girl shows up in it.
Bear: Joe Perry doesn't mind. He doesn't change face. And that’s one weird fucking wedding.
Adam: I concur.
Bear: I wonder if Jay Z and Beyonce's was similar?
Adam: No, but Heidi and Spencer’s was.
Bear: That’s how it is in Los Angeles.
Adam: If Jay's was anything like his concerts he just stood in one place the entire time.
Bear: Finally, someone put Steven Tyler in a stray jacket.
Adam: This is a terrible song.
Bear: This is a good song, the video blows, though. Nothing sadder than a 60 year old man trying to be hip.
Adam: This is Manson-lite, now with less Manson!
Bear: See, Joe Perry doesn’t change face!
Adam: Is that the ball from American Gladiators?
Bear: I don’t know, but why’s he putting lard cream on that persons knees? Why not knee pads? I got my girlfriend some of those.

Adam: Let’s go from that strangeness to this strangeness.

Adam: Wait for the gay cowboy… there he is!
Bear: This sounds eerily similar to the Wrestlemania song.
Adam: This takes me back to my Hofstra barhopping days, and I like the closed captioning.
Bear: The subtitles are a nice touch.
Adam: Super hookers!!!
Bear: This is one dirty girl. I like where her head is at.
Adam: Could she be any more like Scary Spice?
Bear: Well, her career isn't as good, clearly.
Adam: Gay cowboy sighting.
Bear: Dude, that gay cowboy has to stop acting like a jack in the box.
Adam: Well, where would you like him to jack?
Bear: Perhaps at someone's spare house in Wyoming.
Adam: Those girls remind me of the hooker in Vegas.
Bear: I like hookers.
Adam: You can have the one in the cowboy hat.
Bear: Look! It’s Ariel!
Adam: This was from The Party Album, which is not to be confused with their Political Album.

Bear: Let’s close things out with a true 90’s classic.

Bear: Hello suburbia!
Adam: I have similar hair to his.
Bear: It looks like he is about to make out with that door hole.
Adam: You said hole.
Bear: I so did.
Adam: That's a HUGE hole.
Bear: Look how happy he is. Isn't he supposed to be upset?
Adam: Why buy a garden? Just grow one.
Bear: And why is he moving in with strange guys? This dude's weirder than Chris Crocker. And what’s so wrong with her old life?
Adam: This video was done entirely in peephole vision.
Bear: Ha ha, “handsome man with athletic thighs.” What man notices that? Maybe you’re the strange one, Art.
Adam: Everyone knows if you want to woo a girl you need that accordion.
Bear: Accordions are a necessity.
Adam:And she could use a roof. Buy her a roof!
Bear: Look at him, talking about a dude's athletic thighs, then he wants to stay the night with her. Dude is STRANGE!
Adam: He has calf envy.
Bear: I really don't understand this video.

Past Episodes

Episode 10
Episode 9
Episode 8


posted by Adam Bernard @ 7:41 AM  
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