Name: Adam Bernard Home: Fairfield, Connecticut, United States About Me: Entertainment journalist with 15+ years of experience. Supporter of indie music. Lover of day baseball, fringe movies, & chicken shawarma. Part time ninja. Nerdy, but awesome. See my complete profile
You had to know I wasn’t going to let the month end without a fresh episode of From A to B 90’s Style! November sees your two favorite superstar journalists, Adam B and Bear Frazer, taking a look at videos from Kriss Kross, Aerosmith, Vengaboys and Everclear. Enjoy!
Adam: I’m starting with an important lesson regarding timeliness.
Bear: That is one eerie clock. Adam: No wonder they missed the bus. Bear: And why is the bus in an abandoned desert? Adam: Cuz that’s how Kris Kross rolls. Bear: How did they miss the bus? Weren't they just on the bus? I'm confused. Adam: Maybe if they wore their pants the right way they'd catch the damned bus. And where’s Mista FAB, isn’t he the yellow bus driver? Bear: I don't know what's worse, the 80's graphics or the video concept. Adam: Why is everyone dead!? Bear: I remember when I missed the bus once. My mom had to drive me. Adam: According to this video if you miss the bus you end up in a unemployed man's LSD laced dream of Judge Mathis. Bear: At least Kriss Kross does. Adam: Wait, they sleep together? Bear: Perhaps. That isn't for me to speculate.
Bear: Now it’s time for some rock.
Bear: That’s weird. Adam: Bear, is this is fetish porn? Bear: I hope not. Adam: Oh I think it is. I bet that blonde girl shows up in it. Bear: Joe Perry doesn't mind. He doesn't change face. And that’s one weird fucking wedding. Adam: I concur. Bear: I wonder if Jay Z and Beyonce's was similar? Adam: No, but Heidi and Spencer’s was. Bear: That’s how it is in Los Angeles. Adam: If Jay's was anything like his concerts he just stood in one place the entire time. Bear: Finally, someone put Steven Tyler in a stray jacket. Adam: This is a terrible song. Bear: This is a good song, the video blows, though. Nothing sadder than a 60 year old man trying to be hip. Adam: This is Manson-lite, now with less Manson! Bear: See, Joe Perry doesn’t change face! Adam: Is that the ball from American Gladiators? Bear: I don’t know, but why’s he putting lard cream on that persons knees? Why not knee pads? I got my girlfriend some of those.
Adam: Let’s go from that strangeness to this strangeness.
Adam: Wait for the gay cowboy… there he is! Bear: This sounds eerily similar to the Wrestlemania song. Adam: This takes me back to my Hofstra barhopping days, and I like the closed captioning. Bear: The subtitles are a nice touch. Adam: Super hookers!!! Bear: This is one dirty girl. I like where her head is at. Adam: Could she be any more like Scary Spice? Bear: Well, her career isn't as good, clearly. Adam: Gay cowboy sighting. Bear: Dude, that gay cowboy has to stop acting like a jack in the box. Adam: Well, where would you like him to jack? Bear: Perhaps at someone's spare house in Wyoming. Adam: Those girls remind me of the hooker in Vegas. Bear: I like hookers. Adam: You can have the one in the cowboy hat. Bear: Look! It’s Ariel! Adam: This was from The Party Album, which is not to be confused with their Political Album.
Bear: Let’s close things out with a true 90’s classic.
Bear: Hello suburbia! Adam: I have similar hair to his. Bear: It looks like he is about to make out with that door hole. Adam: You said hole. Bear: I so did. Adam: That's a HUGE hole. Bear: Look how happy he is. Isn't he supposed to be upset? Adam: Why buy a garden? Just grow one. Bear: And why is he moving in with strange guys? This dude's weirder than Chris Crocker. And what’s so wrong with her old life? Adam: This video was done entirely in peephole vision. Bear: Ha ha, “handsome man with athletic thighs.” What man notices that? Maybe you’re the strange one, Art. Adam: Everyone knows if you want to woo a girl you need that accordion. Bear: Accordions are a necessity. Adam:And she could use a roof. Buy her a roof! Bear: Look at him, talking about a dude's athletic thighs, then he wants to stay the night with her. Dude is STRANGE! Adam: He has calf envy. Bear: I really don't understand this video.