Pop Shots – 5 Christmas Songs You Absolutely Need to Know Exist

Welcome to your weekly dose of pop world musings. Covering all things pop culture, with today being Christmas I decided it would only be right to dedicate this week’s column to Christmas music … although it might not be the kind you're expecting.

Since I’m me, this isn’t going to be normal Christmas music. Oh no, this is Christmas music from known artists – including a few mega stars – that for one reason, or another, never made it into the mainstream. Personally, I blame Mariah Carey, for totally owning this holiday.

So take a quick break from “All I Want for Christmas is You,” and check out these five Christmas songs you absolutely need to know exist.

Of course, since this is Pop Shots you know everything is seasoned with a little bit of attitude.

Lady Gaga w/ Space Cowboy – Christmas Tree

 

Lady Gaga’s “Christmas Tree” was released as a digital download back in 2008, just four months after her debut album, The Fame, hit, and she rocketed to superstardom.

The song is filled with sexual innuendos, starting with the opening lyric, “Light me up, put me on top,” and continually using “Christmas tree” as a euphemism for “vagina.” About the only thing she missed was referencing the yule log!

I know it’s been buried under a sea of songs deemed more appropriate for holiday airplay, but “Christmas Tree” is way too fun to miss.

Scott Weiland – Winter Wonderland

 

Scott Weiland is one of my favorite singers from the grunge era, so when a friend sent me his cover of “Winter Wonderland,” which is from Weiland’s 2011 Christmas album, The Most Wonderful Time of the Year, I was totally blown away by how remarkably different he sounds crooning Christmas classics.

Yes, I said crooning! The same guy who gave us “Dead and Bloated” could sound like Bing freakin’ Crosby!

God I miss Weiland.

GWAR – Stripper Christmas Summer Weekend

 

Originally released as a fan club single, “Stripper Christmas Summer Weekend” would eventually be re-released, along with its b-side, as bonus tracks on the European version of GWAR’s Bloody Pit of Horror.

The song is about an exotic dancer working in a strip club where it’s simultaneously summer, and Christmas.

With the opening lyric, “‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the club / was the sound of bikers moaning as their crotches got rubbed,” one might think this is just a debaucherous romp, but “Stripper Christmas Summer Weekend” actually has some pretty great musical qualities, including the melodic “oh yeahs,” and a killer guitar solo.

I just need to know – when are we gonna get a GWAR Christmas tour?

Master P w/ Pizzo, San Quinn, JT the Bigga Figga, & Silkk The Shocker – High Fo Xmas

 

I discovered Master P’s “High Fo Xmas” at the very end of the cassette era. My local F.Y.E. was getting rid of all of their cassettes, and had them in dollar bins in the middle of the store. When I saw the Master P Presents: West Coast Bad Boyz High For Xmas EP in the pile, I said shut up and take my money.

The EP, which was released in 1994, did not disappoint, and the title track, which features a very young Silkk The Shocker, is a posse cut for all seasons … but it’s obviously most appropriate at Christmas.

Twiztid w/ Blaze Ya Dead Homie – Decorate Your Christmas Tree

 

Many years ago I wrote about Insane Clown Posse having a Christmas EP (A Carnival Christmas, released in 1994). Some of their associates wanted in on the holiday cheer, which is why in 2011 the Psychopathic Records duo Twiztid gave listeners A Cut-Throat Christmas.

A Cut-Throat Christmas includes the song “Decorate Your Christmas Tree,” which features Blaze Ya Dead Homie, and would’ve been a perfect fit on BET Uncut, as it cranks up the holiday raunch to a thousand.

Just like with Lady Gaga’s “Christmas Tree,” Twiztid, and Blaze Ya Dead Homie use the holiday evergreen as a euphemism for “vagina.”

This may be the only time in recorded history that Lady Gaga has been mentioned alongside Twiztid, and Blaze Ya Dead Homie. The holidays really do bring us all together!

The repeated choruses of “Take your panties off and decorate your Christmas tree!” and “Yo let me spank it like a reindeer ho!” will absolutely get stuck in your head. I’ll openly admit I have no idea what spanking it like a reindeer involves, but it sure does sound … festive!

That’s all for this edition of Pop Shots, but come back next Monday for more shots on all things pop.