Leaving The Show (a Little Bit) Early

This past Saturday I was at one of my favorite venues, Arlene’s Grocery, for a three band bill. A friend’s band, Future Mondays, was on first, and after seeing them, and the second act, I decided to make an exit. I headed to Grand Central to catch the 10:34pm train home, rather than see the third band, and wind up on the 11:27pm train, which wouldn’t get me home until after 1am.

The previous week I did the same thing, leaving before the final set, although that was a five band bill. On that night my friends No Grudges with performed third, and another artist I wanted to see, Rivkah Reyes, was on fourth, so I saw who I wanted, and made it so I could be on a train that pulled into Fairfield before midnight.

The next day I booked an interview with Rivkah.

 Rivkah Reyes, who I will be speaking with soon

Now, I’ve always extolled the virtues of going out to see live music, specially indie bands, at intimate venues, and I always will. That said, these were the first two shows I’ve attended since the car accident in May that took my mother’s life, and has my dad hospitalized, on a sixteen month journey to getting back to what will qualify as normal, so leaving early is partially because my body is still grieving, and partially because I have a plethora of added responsibilities in life.

How well this new timetable has worked, however, has led me to reevaluate some things about going out, and what my actual goals are when I attend a show.

As the years have gone by I’ve adjusted how late I’ll stay at a show. Back in my 20s it was easy to stay until the last train, get home at 3:30am, and wake up reasonably OK a few hours later.

In my 30s I decided to ditch the 1am trains, and try my best to catch the 12:07am home, and if the doors for a show were at 10pm, I’d say – you kids have fun, I’ll catch you another time.

In my 40s it has became a goal to never be on a train later than the 11:27pm, and if doors for a show are at nine, my reaction is the German nein, as in – that’s a nein for me, dawg (although I’ve made the occasional exception for friends. It almost always bites me in the ass, but … ya know … friendship).

 No Grudges, who went on at a reasonable hour

Even with all that said, up until just a few months ago I still basically tried to see as many bands as humanly possible. Last year alone I saw over 120 bands, and that was with leaving in time to catch the 11:27pm train the vast majority of the time.

I loved running up a huge number of bands seen each year for a variety of reasons – I was supporting friends, I wanted to get as many ideas for articles as possible, I was having a good time, and, quite frankly, I wore the number like a silly badge of honor. It was like, hey, look at how much I can do!

Another reason was that I’ve always believed that no great story in life begins with – “I was sitting on the couch when …”

But how many great stories does one need?

Suddenly I found myself asking – am I embracing life, or avoiding some part of it?

People talk about FOMO, the “fear of missing out,” and I have to say that after leaving a few shows early, and seeing it have little, to no negative effect, I no longer have the fear of missing out on a great band – especially since I usually see at least one before I leave.

The only types of FOMO that now concern me are the fear of missing out on healing, and the fear of missing out on time for myself.

I’m not saying I’m always going to leave the show early. If I want to see a band that goes on at 10pm, I’m going to stick around for at least part of their set, but they’re going to have to be a band I’m legitimately interested in if it means getting home at 1am.

Some of you may ask – but don’t you want to see the headliner?

Here’s a little secret – the headliner on indie band bills usually goes on next to last, because that’s when the crowd is at its largest. That band has their own audience, as well as stragglers who showed up for the first few bands, and the fans who’ve already filed in to see the final band of the night.

Also, discovering the openers is a big reason why I’m there.

 Future Mondays were on first, and were amazing

So the next time you see me slinking out the door of Arlene’s Grocery, or Bowery Electric at 10pm, just smile, and know I’m catching an earlier train home, and I’m taking care of myself.