Pop Shots – 12 Songs for The 12 Days of Christmas

Welcome to your weekly dose of pop world musings. Covering all things pop culture, with Christmas coming up on Saturday, I’m dedicating this week’s column to finding the perfect – or perhaps perfectly wrong – songs to represent each of the 12 days of Christmas.

We all know how “The 12 Days of Christmas” goes … or at least we know the first few days of it, and then sort of peter out and mumble along hoping someone else remembers the lyrics. That’s pretty much how everyone’s Christmas concert went in grade school back in the day.

So consider this my gift to you – a song to represent everything from a partridge in a pear tree, to 12 drummers drumming (I gotta admit, that last one was easy). Of course, since this is Pop Shots you know everything is seasoned with a little bit of attitude.

 

A partridge in a pear tree

 

Danny Bonaduce – I’ll Be Your Magician

Danny Bonaduce was on The Partridge Family, making him a perfect fit as our partridge in a pear tree. “I’ll Be Your Magician” was a solo single from a then 13 year old Bonaduce, and it involves him seducing a woman into having sex with him. Yup, not making that up … and we’re just getting started!

 

Two turtle doves

 

Prince – When Doves Cry

What else was I going to choose for two turtle doves but the greatest song involving doves ever made. I hope this makes up for the Danny Bonaduce song, but if it doesn’t, I still have ten more to go.

 

Three french hens

 

Project Pat – Chicken Head

Doing a little research, I learned that it isn’t until after a chicken lays its first egg that it’s considered a hen, so I guess for a “Chicken Head” to be considered a hen they’d need to have a kid.

Close enough!

 

Four calling birds

 

Sporty Thievz – No Pigeons

Staying with birds, and hip-hop classics, let’s make sure those four calling birds aren’t pigeons.

Sporty Thievz’s amazing reply to TLC’s “No Scrubs,” “No Pigeons” won’t poop on your holiday like actual pigeons.

 

Five gold rings

 

Trinidad James – All Gold Everything

Why stop at just five gold rings when you can have “All Gold Everything”?

Also, this is your friendly reminder that Trinidad James continues to make money off Bruno Mars’ “Uptown Funk” because he’s credited as a songwriter for the lyric Bruno used from this song.

 

Six geese a-laying

 

Wyclef Jean – Bubblegoose (South Park Chef Aid version)

I was planning on using Wyclef’s “Bubblegoose” for the six geese a-laying, but I’d totally forgotten there’s a South Park version of the song which features the kids singing the chorus, and Cartman continually referring to Wyclef as Mack 10. The song is serious in subject matter, but the performance is seriously hilarious.

 

Seven swans a-swimming

 

Swans – New Mind

What else could I choose for seven swans a-swimming but a song by Swans? Of course, nothing by Swans can be considered normal – I feel like they’d be offended by the very word – so let’s just kick back, and hope Santa brings us a “New Mind” for Christmas.

 

Eight maids a-milking

 

Doja Cat – Moo

Doja Cat has become incredibly popular over the past few years, but let’s not forget it wasn’t all that long ago that she was dressing as a cow, and singing/rapping “Moo.” Yeah, we really let that be her springboard to fame, and because of that she represents my eight maids a-milking.

 

Nine ladies dancing

 

ABBA – Dancing Queen

If you’re going to have nine ladies dancing, each one should definitely be a “Dancing Queen.”

BTW, creating this list is really messing with my YouTube recommendations.

 

Ten lords a-leaping

 

Lords of the Underground – Here Come The Lords

I feel like Lords of the Underground aren’t talked about enough when people discuss ‘90s hip-hop, but this trio was DOPE.

Consider yourself lucky if your ten lords a-leaping include the Lords of the Underground.

 

Eleven pipers piping

 

Jethro Tull – Locomotive Breath

I knew I was going to go with a Jethro Tull song for eleven pipers piping. I mean, the band pretty much cornered the market on kick ass flute solos, and besides that, this list needed some classic rock in it. Fast-forward to 2:23 to get to the piper piping. FYI, this ain’t your kid’s recorder recital!

 

Twelve drummers drumming

 

Nirvana – Breed

Everyone’s favorite drummer – and possibly everyone’s favorite human in music – right now is Dave Grohl, and on the Nirvana classic “Breed” he explodes at the beginning of the song, and drums at a pace so frantic even Animal would be envious.

I think we all want our twelve drummers drumming to include this living legend!

 

That’s all for this edition of Pop Shots, but come back next Monday for more shots on all things pop.