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Name: Adam Bernard
Home: Fairfield, Connecticut, United States
About Me: Entertainment journalist with 15+ years of experience. Supporter of indie music. Lover of day baseball, fringe movies, & chicken shawarma. Part time ninja. Nerdy, but awesome.
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Pop Shots - Who’s Ready?
Monday, May 20, 2013

Welcome to your weekly dose of pop world musings. Covering all things pop culture, this week Pop Shots is hitting you with thoughts on everything from both Selena Gomez’s mom and Beyonce readying their next big pop stars, to Kanye West probably being ready for this whole Kim Kardashian thing to be over with, to Will Smith’s son saying he’s ready to be freed from the shackles of fame and fortune, and since it’s Pop Shots you know everything is seasoned with a little bit of attitude.

* Selena Gomez's mom is reportedly pregnant (it’s not weird, she’s only 36), and so is Beyonce, again (because apparently Jay-Z saw those disturbing sex faces at the Super Bowl and said "lemme get me some more of that"). There’s no word on if Disney has already signed the embryo that is Gomez's future sibling to a TV and album deal, although you have to assume they’re coming up with something. Oh, and just because I like complete anarchy, I’m hoping Gomez's mom's baby is Justin Bieber's.

* Speaking of the Biebs, while the Canadian gold child was performing in Johannesburg, South Africa, last week, an elaborate heist of his earnings for the show was taking place. According to reports, the suspects reportedly used ropes to lower themselves through a hole, which was created by chiseling away a double-thick wall that led into the safe room. Call me crazy, but I think this is all a plot by Bieber’s team to re-launch the Oceans series of films with Justin having a leading role. Oceans 14: The Bieber Burglary.

* InTouch Weekly, a bastion for unsubstantiated rumors, reported that Kim Kardashian is worried Kanye West might be gay. Apparently Kim K’s starting to wonder why the rapper/producer spends more time in France with Givenchy creative director Riccardo Tisci than he does with her. Part of me fears this story is being created by Team Kardashian in an effort to lay the groundwork for an eventual claim that Kim’s child is an immaculate conception. Of course, if it turns out Kim actually is carrying the second coming it would have some huge ramifications for Ray J, because all of a sudden “I Hit It First” would become a diss track of God. Do you think God’s going to write a reply? Heck no! His reply will be a first class ticket to eternal damnation and hellfire. This leads us to the moral of the Kim K immaculate conception story - having sex with a Kardashian will send you directly to hell.

* This past week a man was arrested after swimming to Taylor Swift’s house. Shortly thereafter an entire staff of writers at E! were fired for not coming up with that as an idea for an episode for What Would Ryan Lochte Do?

* Amidst the in-fighting between judges, and controversies surrounding who will be on the show next season, American Idol took a minute to remember it’s supposed to be a singing competition, and crowned a new champion. That champion is soul singer Candice Glover. I’m sorry, but with the last name Glover I would have thought she’s too old for this sh*t.

* Solange Knowles, or as the Knowles family refers to her, “The Other Sister,” (and yes, that’s a Juliette Lewis reference), is launching her own label, Saint Records, which will be distributed through Sony. When asked for a comment Beyonce said, “I have a sister?”

* Will Smith’s 14 year old son, Jaden, reportedly wants to be emancipated. I say just send him to live with his auntie & uncle in... wait, has this been done before?

* The Backstreet Boys are celebrating their 20th anniversary, and they’re doing it in style, with a brand new album, and a world tour. The album, In A World Like This, will hit retailers on July 30th, and the tour will begin on August 2nd. In the meantime, soccer moms nationwide will be trying to figure out which pairs of underwear they’ll use to throw on stage.

* ODB and Eazy-E holograms have been booked as acts for this year’s Rock The Bells, because current mainstream hip-hop acts are so bad we’ll literally pay to listen recordings of the old ones. In a related story, with the news that Tim Dog may have faked his own death, the folks at Rock The Bells are unsure whether they should create a hologram of him, or just leave him tickets at the door.

* Lana Del Rey is probably most known for having the most epically awful SNL performance this side of Ashlee Simpson’s Irish jig. That being said, for some reason I can’t get enough of her new single, “Young and Beautiful.” I think it’s a gorgeous change of pace from everything else that’s out there.

And with that, my time is up for the week, but I'll be back next week with more shots on all things pop.


posted by Adam Bernard @ 7:00 AM  
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