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Name: Adam Bernard
Home: Fairfield, Connecticut, United States
About Me: Entertainment journalist with 15+ years of experience. Supporter of indie music. Lover of day baseball, fringe movies, & chicken shawarma. Part time ninja. Nerdy, but awesome.
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From A to B 90’s Style – Episode 2
Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Because you all enjoyed our first installment of From A to B 90’s Style, and because Bear Frazer and I spend most of our spare time commenting on all things pop culture, today we’re back with Episode 2! That’s right, you’re two favorite superstar journalists have joined forces once again for a co-blog that will appear both here on Adam’s World and on Bear’s MySpace Blog. This month we’re taking a look at Aqua, The Rolling Stones, Ginuwine, and Shawn Colvin. Enjoy!

Adam: OK, for this month's edition of From A to B I'm leading off with a Swedish pop classic, “Barbie Girl,” by Aqua.

Adam: Ah yes Aquascope.
Bear: That’s not a real bird.
Adam: Those aren't real eyebrows.
Bear: What's up with that dude's hairstyle? Why is Ken bald and why are his sideburns in reverse? Isn't he supposed to be like Zack Morris? This dude looks like Georges St. Pierre.
Adam: Lene can GET IT. I'd like to deposit some “life in plastic” in her.
Bear: You can touch. You can play? What a whore.
Adam: You can't deny the Swedes and their A-list pop groups - Abba, Ace of Base, Aqua
Bear: Where was Perez Hilton on this one?
Adam: Perez... he was like 18 when this came out cuz he’s my age right?
Bear: And it was probably back when he was in the closet.
Adam: Hey you lay off Perez!
Bear: Sorry. Don't tell Gawker.com.
Adam: Ha ha. I think Lene is married to the blonde dude.
Bear: Look at this plastic mansion. What a place to fuck Aqua. I mean Barbie.
Adam: Wow that video ended really abruptly.

Bear: My first pick is from a more classic group, The Rolling Stones.

Adam: Great choice, giant models turn me on. How big of a line of coke do think THAT Keith Richards would need?
Bear: I don't know about you, but giants are usually ugly. These big chicks, however, are actually pretty hot. I bet I'd get sucked into that giant girl's vagina like a Star Trek portal.
Adam: Yes, it would be hard to please her.
Bear: Oh my God! Giant girl jumping! That's a big chick, and scary.
Adam: Not scary, sexy my friend, she is sexy.
Bear: What a poor, poor city, being trampled by a giant Mick Jagger who just scares the people and then sings randomly. Wait a minute… giant make out session!
Adam: No one on the street really seems to care about all this. Where is Gamera when we need him to end this nonsense?
Bear: Look at that giant girl. Drinking in public! What a misdemeanor.
Adam: Then they go back to the cornfields of Iowa from whence they came
Bear: They're outta there so Gap can shoot a commercial now.

Adam: Get ready for some perverted R&B, it’s time for Ginuwine.

Bear: Whoa, rednecks and black people. Races getting together.
Adam: I love the Timbaland background burps.
Bear: What is this? A redneck gay strip club?
Adam: Apparently.
Bear: I don’t wanna watch anymore!
Adam: "Hey, he's cute, put him on stage while we stroke our disheveled beards.”
Bear: "Yeah boy. Keeping poppin' it while I drink this here beer."
Adam: I love the way Ginuwine takes the "subtle" out of “subtle sexual innuendo.” Incidentally, are there any chicks at this bar?
Bear: Look at the bartender. It's a chick!
Adam: Hooray! Aaah here they come. The women could sense Ginuwine's sexiness and have arrived to ride the pony. How many are unhappy this bar only serves Pabt's Blue Ribbon?
Bear: Did he just do the dance move from "Remember The Time?"
Adam: Man, now that was a video.
Bear: Exactly. And no Pabt's Blue Ribbon in that one. MJ wouldn’t have it.
Adam: We should use the hook from this as a pickup line.
Bear: "Hey baby, wanna ride my pony?"
Adam: Classy.
Bear: Why are they trading hats?
Adam: Because they are one now.

Bear: And for our final video of the day…

Adam: Ugh! Fuck you.
Bear: What an eerie looking parrot. This looks like the setting in Super Mario 64.
Adam: There is only one relevant thing about this song and you and I both know what it is.
Bear: What's that Adam?
Adam: "I bought me an outift and it costed me a lot of money because I thought Wu-Tang was gonna win. Puffy is good but Wu-Tang is the best because Wu-Tang is for the children!" Greatest Grammy moment ever!
Bear: Relax ODB, relax! Sunny came home with a list of names? Is Sunny whacking someone?
Adam: I don’t know, but all of a sudden she’s whispering her lyrics. Speak up Shawn!
Bear: Yeah Shawn. How rude. And what's with this fire graphics? I thought this was 1997, not I Love the 80's.
Adam: In honor of Full House let me note your fine Stephanie Tanner impression. And in honor of Bevis let me just say “FIRE FIRE FIRE.”
Bear: Man, how much was this video's budget, twenty bucks?
Adam: More than Danzig's.
Bear: Mother!
Adam: But less chicken sacrificing.
Bear: Yes. This is Peta-friendly.
Adam: Hey, the video’s over. Well that fucking sucked.
Bear: Ha ha ha!

Previous Episodes of From A to B 90’s Style

Episode 1


posted by Adam Bernard @ 7:52 AM  
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