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Name: Adam Bernard
Home: Fairfield, Connecticut, United States
About Me: Entertainment journalist with 15+ years of experience. Supporter of indie music. Lover of day baseball, fringe movies, & chicken shawarma. Part time ninja. Nerdy, but awesome.
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Friday, April 27, 2007

Sometimes I look at the landscape of the music industry and can’t help but scratch my head and wonder why certain people haven’t made it. Some artists seem to have everything going for them but for one reason or another it just doesn’t happen for them. The list of artists that fall under this heading goes on for quite a while, but today I want to focus on three women in particular, three very fine women in particular, who I cannot for the life of me fathom why they aren’t bigger than their current standing in the industry; Claudette Ortiz, Christina Milian and Charli Baltimore.

Claudette Ortiz – As the really fine female third of City High Claudette graced a number of men’s magazine covers and her ass was once considered one of the best in all of music. But never has a woman gone so quickly from the cover of King to the side of a milk carton. What makes her disappearance from the radar even stranger is that she was associated with Wyclef Jean, a musical genius who continues to pump out fantastic music year after year (even if the sales numbers don’t necessarily reflect how great those albums are). Wyclef’s previous female counterpart went a little crazy and started pushing out Marley children like it was her occupation, and it looks as though Claudette, even though as far as we know she still has all her faculties, is following in Lauren Hill’s footsteps when it comes to contributing to the nation’s overpopulation. She has one son with a rapper by the name of Malicious Jynx and two more by current husband Ryan Toby, who was another 1/3 of City High (clearly Robby Pardlo, the final 1/3, wasn't a cockblocker). I know I can’t be the only one who misses seeing her grace the pages of magazines in various states of undress. Let’s just hope Toby makes some dough with his songwriting skills and independent label because I’d hate to see Claudette with her son at home cryin all alone on the bedroom floor cause he’s hungry, and the only way to feed him is for her to sleep with a man for a little bit of money.

Christina Milian – It's a rarity for a woman so fine to become so inconspicuous, but that seems to be exactly what's happened to Christina Milian. She convinced a nation of women to “Dip It Low,” but her label couldn’t convince listeners to dip into their pockets so they told her to hit the skids. Christina had her movie career to fall back on, though, right? I mean, she’s been in over a dozen major motion pictures, even starring in quite a few. Well, have you seen her in anything lately? Is her agent even alive? A woman as gorgeous as Ms. Milian should not be living in anonymity, but as of now she’s been relegated to being nothing more than a Page Six footnote whenever she starts or stops dating somebody. First there was Nick Cannon and now she’s with Cool from Cool & Dre, a production duo who have been flying under the radar a bit as of late. Then again, if I had Christina Milian on my arm I wouldn’t be that amped to head into a stuffy studio with a bunch of rappers either. With her penchant for dating the "C" list (Cannon, Cool) it’s only a matter of time before we see Milian with George Clinton, James Carville, or Cap’n Crunch. Then we’ll finally get that Christina Milian - Cap’n Crunch sex tape we’ve all been waiting for. You may know how to dip it low Christina, but only the Cap’n can pop your crunch berry.

Charli Baltimore – Another seriously gorgeous woman (sensing a trend here? I only care about where the really good looking women went), Charli Baltimore had her career thrown off track a number of times. First there was the Untertainment incident. During an interview I did with her a few years ago she said she didn’t even know the label was folding until she read it in the paper only a few short weeks before her album was supposed to come out. Then came Murder Inc. Time for a quick time out here because despite the successes of Ja Rule and Ashanti I think anyone should be wary of a company that has a felony in its name. Charli signed on to be a part of Irv Gotti’s team anyway and for a while things were working out. She was guesting on a number of songs and even had an album ready to go. From what I heard of the album, which was to be called The Diary, it was pretty dope, but instead of having that album be released her label was investigated for a number of illegal activities, quickly making it the footnote in Hip-Hop history that it is today. Once again, no album for Charli. I still want to hear a Charli B’more album, though, even if she did have that line about having two razor blades in her mouth while giving head. So I guess I would like to hear from her, I just wouldn’t like to get head from her.

Claudette, Christina and Charli, when will we see you again?

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posted by Adam Bernard @ 7:54 PM  
4 Comments:
  • At 9:12 AM, Blogger CREW said…

    thats was hilarious, man, especially the last line of each paragraph.

     
  • At 11:10 AM, Blogger Ketchums said…

    Claudette is one of the few that's both gorgeous and talented. Thing is, she was with Wyclef Jean - same cat who didn't really help out Pras, Canibus, etc. Wyclef is better as a solo artist, not as a mentor. Still, hopefully we'll see something from her later on.

    Christina was fine as hell, but she just isn't good. Magazine pages are cool, but airwaves and movies suck. Well, movies, maybe not.

    Charli Baltimore is talented as hell, and the face is iight, but man, the body is too crackheadish for me. Still wanna hear an album though.

     
  • At 10:09 AM, Blogger angelique said…

    the reason that these ladies are no where around is because:

    charli baltimore is has no talent.without biggie, it's pretty much a wrap for her.

    christina milian can't sing and nick cannon running her name through the mud didn't help much either. and

    claudette ortiz established herself as a ho and a baby mama in the industry before fully establishing herself as an accomplished vocalist.

     
  • At 10:25 AM, Blogger The Girl From Park Heights said…

    Ewwww! Charli Baltimore! Yeah, beautiful if your casting for the cover of MC Crack Addicts magazine.

    Signed,
    The Real Charlee of Baltimore

     
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