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Name: Adam Bernard
Home: Fairfield, Connecticut, United States
About Me: Entertainment journalist with 15+ years of experience. Supporter of indie music. Lover of day baseball, fringe movies, & chicken shawarma. Part time ninja. Nerdy, but awesome.
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Beyonce Will You Please Go Away
Wednesday, December 13, 2006

There is nothing worse than a star who wears out their welcome. OK, maybe there’s one thing worse, a radically untalented star. While Beyonce has some talent, though not nearly as much as her fans may want to think, the girl needs to sit down and be quiet for a while. I don’t know about the rest of the world, but I, for one, have become sick of the over-exposure of Miss Knowles (something I realize I’m actually adding to by the writing of this) and, most recently, her insults to her Dreamgirls co-star, former American Idol contestant Jennifer Hudson.

It seems everywhere we go now we see Beyonce as she has been chosen as one of the lucky ones who is talented enough to get airplay on her own but is getting pushed to the moon by people who are constantly telling us how great she is until many of the listeners of her music actually begin to believe it. It’s vaguely reminiscent of how her boyfriend, Jay-Z, got to where he is today, as well, making them America’s most annoying celebrity couple. With Destiny’s Child Beyonce had other voices performing with her, though we all noticed when they got rid of LeToya Luckett, the beautiful one, so Beyonce could be positioned as the beauty of the group. And who managed that group again? Oh yeah, Beyonce's family. Ahh nepotism.

Destiny’s Child, or as I liked to call them Beyonce and her ever-rotating cast of not-quite-as-fine friends, gave listeners passable R&B music with some really awful lyrics. Who can forget their date rape song debut “you’ll be saying no, no, no, no, no, when it’s really yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,” or when the girls wondered aloud if we could pay their “automo’ bills?” Yeah, that’s some songwriting ability. And what kind of “independent woman” asks someone else to pay their bills for them? Ugh.

As a solo artist Beyonce would move on to literally wailing her lyrics at times with complete disregard for my, or anyone else’s, eardrums, but because she had her boyfriend on the track the public was bamboozled into buying it up. Oh yeah, and then there’s her ass.

Beyonce has a nice booty, there’s no denying that, but so do a lot of women. If her ass sang I’d pay for a ticket to see that, but it doesn’t. The scary thing, however, is that recent pictures show that though her ass may be fine her face is falling apart. If someone’s entire face cracks under hot light maybe it’s time people stop referring that person as a “natural beauty.” The really frightening thing about this is if you rip off her mask she’s actually Mark Anthony.

My annoyance with all things Beyonce came to a head last week when I read her comments regarding her Dreamgirls co-star Jennifer Hudson, who is, by all accounts, stealing the show with her portrayal of Effie. Rather than being nice about it and supporting her co-star Beyonce shot her a bevy of backhanded “compliments” including “I wish I could have gained 20 pounds and played Effie,” and “I'm already a star. I already have nine Grammys. Everyone knows I can sing.” Sing, yes, be gracious, obviously not.

So let’s all take a minute and think about how the musical landscape of our lives would be affected if Beyonce were to fall off the face of the earth. Well, I liked the beat for “Ring The Alarm,” but other than that I could seriously do without her and her vapid lyrics. Let’s face it, even if you own a bunch of Destiny’s Child and Beyonce albums ten years from now you won’t be listening to them because within the next ten years you’re going to realize how awful the songwriting really is. For instance, does anyone else notice in the lyrics to “Irreplaceable” although she’s saying she can have any man she wants she’s “replacing” her current man because he’s cheating on her? Hmmm, who exactly has been doing the replacing in that song? And women find this empowering?

Someone call Sade. Someone call Vivian Green. We need some dope soul singers back in action to show people how it’s supposed to be done!

Labels:

posted by Adam Bernard @ 8:04 AM  
11 Comments:
  • At 4:03 PM, Anonymous Brad Mullet said…

    You mentioned Independent Women - I thought it was strange that such strong-willed women would choose to associate with losers that couldn't pay their own bills!

    Maybe it's easier to stomp over a man who relies on you for money. I know I'm always nice to my sugar-momma!

     
  • At 4:25 PM, Blogger Conscious said…

    Adam you have shown me truely what media does to put more umph in stories and make'em bite! I read the full article you took those quotes from of Beyonce, and they come off rather differently then the context you chose to use them. I still feel her statements mentioning her experience and accomplisments come off as not very professional but you managed to illuminate them a lot more for your purposes smashing Beyonce in this piece. Bro you don't like her. So what.

     
  • At 4:26 PM, Anonymous CMatic said…

    I'll raise my glass to this post.

    Kelly Rowland was the better of the Destiny Children anyway.


    Hmph.

     
  • At 7:55 AM, Blogger Adam said…

    Conscious, I think the only reason they're illuminated here is because I'm putting them in their proper context. Beyonce has far too many people out there who let her slide on those insults to her co-star, to someone who made HER look good, I'm just putting her in her place.

     
  • At 10:44 AM, Anonymous TIM said…

    I'll start this by saying - I'm a fan of show business. Beyonce always puts on one hell of a show, from "Fade to Black" (MSG) to the VMA's, I'm a fan of star power. Beyonce is a superstar. I agree with my man Adam though as well... far too many people go through processing the entertainment industry as a soap opera. They look for who to cast as the villian, who to cast as the underdog, who to cast as the puritans, and who's the superstar. Beyonce just happens to be one of those stars who had things work out well for her virtually her entire career. Lucky breaks, chance meetings, influential parents, etc.

    Has anyone see the Destiny's Child live concert DVD from Atlanta?
    Kelly & Michelle far outshine beyonce vocally in their respective solo performances (Michelle obviously on the Gospel tip, and Kelly on her random [albeit impressive] tip).

     
  • At 1:50 PM, Blogger Adam said…

    Tim,

    You're right, she can put on a show... do you think she's singing or syncing, though? Personally I have no idea.

    And hells yeah Kelly Rowland was the best. Her solo debut as SLEPT ON.

     
  • At 11:22 PM, Blogger queencityj said…

    Adam, you're funny to me man. I like your blog though. I don't think you're are hater (yet) but you do have hater tendencies. I think your piece is indicative of the problem with society today. Everybody is hating in some way. Its not your fault Adam, everybody is doing it.

    You sound like every other magazine and web site hating on Jay & B. All the women say shes ugly or not that pretty. But most men think she is. It's her fault DC broke up. She can't sing, blah blah blah.

    That fact is, Jay & B have hit as close to Brad/Angelina & Paris Hilton's level of celebrity, as a black entertainer will get. So this sets them up to be critiqued about every little thing. Maybe she's just tired of everyone saying she hating on Jennifer Hudson. Or just tired of the entire world saying what she likes or dislikes. Or did or didn't do. I know I'm tired of it and I've never bought any of her albums.

    It just makes me sad that there are not many black entertainers on her level today and she gets hated on continuously. Oh yeah, she didn't write "Bills, Bills, Bills", Tiny and Kandi fo Xscape did. And Ne-Yo wrote "Irreplacable" if I'm not mistaken.

     
  • At 8:07 AM, Blogger Adam said…

    Hey hey, thanks for the compliment. A few quick hits from what you said.

    That fact is, Jay & B have hit as close to Brad/Angelina & Paris Hilton's level of celebrity, as a black entertainer will get. So this sets them up to be critiqued about every little thing.

    OK, I get you here. Jay and Beyonce might very well be the black community's Paris Hilton or Brangalina, but aren't THOSE folks critiqued just as much? What gives J & B a pass?

    Also, if Beyonce didn't pen any of those awful songs and her songwriting ability isn't even up to that sub-par level isn't that all the more reason to ignore her as an artist?

     
  • At 10:09 AM, Anonymous journalista said…

    A B DEFENDER:
    at least beyonce has talent. can't you think of other artists with no talent like k-fed and britney spears? the cross-over market are the ones that make these performers mega-stars. then once they make they claim to get "tired" of them. decide what you want.

     
  • At 10:20 AM, Blogger Adam said…

  • At 12:19 PM, Anonymous Real Talk said…

    I want to know why does everyone have to be a hater or jealous when they are not bowing down to Beyonce? We have some other celebrities that are talked about just as bad as Beyonce and Jay-Z but no one gets labeled as a hater or jealous when talking about them. I just think that some people see Beyonce and Jay-z as God. It is not that serious and they are no more than anyone else in this world. If the same things were being said about Grace Jones, Whoopi Goldberg, Kenya Moore, or Gabrielle Union would people be labeled as jealous or haters? The answer is NO! The word hater and jealous have been taken out of context. It shows a lack intelligence when people can only label someone as a hater or being jealous when they don’t share the same opinion. Difference of opinions is what makes the world go around which provide choices. For example, that’s why we have Bentleys, Mercedes, BMW’s, Ford, and Lincoln etc to fit each persons taste and finances. If the makers of these vehicles were not allowed to have a difference of opinion then we would all be driving the same car which would be BORING. So let people have their rightful opinion about Beyonce and Jay-z without labeling them that’s childish. I agree with a great deal of what Adam is saying. There are a lot of people in this world that are gifted and talented. God did not stop at Beyonce or Jay-Z. Are some of you that insecure and lack that much confidence until you can only see great potential in one or two people in the world. Even when facts are pointed out about Beyonce some people still find a way to justify her wrong actions. For example, the statements she made in reference to Jennifer Hudson. People are trying to say oh she did not mean it like that. They are also trying to blame her father too. But those were Beyonces' words and she can not take them back. Give me a break already Beyonce is a 25 year old woman. When will people start allowing her to be held accountable for her actions and things that are going on around her rather than always blaming someone else? Maybe she should be more careful or learn how to speak publicly so that she want have so much back lash on what she says.

     
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