Beyonce Will You Please Go Away

There is nothing worse than a star who wears out their welcome. OK, maybe there’s one thing worse, a radically untalented star. While Beyonce has some talent, though not nearly as much as her fans may want to think, the girl needs to sit down and be quiet for a while. I don’t know about the rest of the world, but I, for one, have become sick of the over-exposure of Miss Knowles (something I realize I’m actually adding to by the writing of this) and, most recently, her insults to her Dreamgirls co-star, former American Idol contestant Jennifer Hudson.

It seems everywhere we go now we see Beyonce as she has been chosen as one of the lucky ones who is talented enough to get airplay on her own but is getting pushed to the moon by people who are constantly telling us how great she is until many of the listeners of her music actually begin to believe it. It’s vaguely reminiscent of how her boyfriend, Jay-Z, got to where he is today, as well, making them America’s most annoying celebrity couple. With Destiny’s Child Beyonce had other voices performing with her, though we all noticed when they got rid of LeToya Luckett, the beautiful one, so Beyonce could be positioned as the beauty of the group. And who managed that group again? Oh yeah, Beyonce's family. Ahh nepotism.

Destiny’s Child, or as I liked to call them Beyonce and her ever-rotating cast of not-quite-as-fine friends, gave listeners passable R&B music with some really awful lyrics. Who can forget their date rape song debut “you’ll be saying no, no, no, no, no, when it’s really yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,” or when the girls wondered aloud if we could pay their “automo’ bills?” Yeah, that’s some songwriting ability. And what kind of “independent woman” asks someone else to pay their bills for them? Ugh.

As a solo artist Beyonce would move on to literally wailing her lyrics at times with complete disregard for my, or anyone else’s, eardrums, but because she had her boyfriend on the track the public was bamboozled into buying it up. Oh yeah, and then there’s her ass.

Beyonce has a nice booty, there’s no denying that, but so do a lot of women. If her ass sang I’d pay for a ticket to see that, but it doesn’t. The scary thing, however, is that recent pictures show that though her ass may be fine her face is falling apart. If someone’s entire face cracks under hot light maybe it’s time people stop referring that person as a “natural beauty.” The really frightening thing about this is if you rip off her mask she’s actually Mark Anthony.

My annoyance with all things Beyonce came to a head last week when I read her comments regarding her Dreamgirls co-star Jennifer Hudson, who is, by all accounts, stealing the show with her portrayal of Effie. Rather than being nice about it and supporting her co-star Beyonce shot her a bevy of backhanded “compliments” including “I wish I could have gained 20 pounds and played Effie,” and “I'm already a star. I already have nine Grammys. Everyone knows I can sing.” Sing, yes, be gracious, obviously not.

So let’s all take a minute and think about how the musical landscape of our lives would be affected if Beyonce were to fall off the face of the earth. Well, I liked the beat for “Ring The Alarm,” but other than that I could seriously do without her and her vapid lyrics. Let’s face it, even if you own a bunch of Destiny’s Child and Beyonce albums ten years from now you won’t be listening to them because within the next ten years you’re going to realize how awful the songwriting really is. For instance, does anyone else notice in the lyrics to “Irreplaceable” although she’s saying she can have any man she wants she’s “replacing” her current man because he’s cheating on her? Hmmm, who exactly has been doing the replacing in that song? And women find this empowering?

Someone call Sade. Someone call Vivian Green. We need some dope soul singers back in action to show people how it’s supposed to be done!