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Name: Adam Bernard
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Feel Sorry For K-Fed?
Friday, November 10, 2006

I know, I know, Kevin Federline isn’t exactly the most embraceable of individuals, but in recent memory has anyone’s name and character been dragged through the mud more than his? It seems like every time I look at any of the Hollywood blogs all I read is about is how K-Fed is the Anti-Christ. Now I know Federline is not a nice guy, he once hung up on one of my peers, who happens to be a good friend of mine, simply because he called him K-Fed during an interview (whaddup Bear!), but how much does someone have to go through before they go from being a loser and someone who is loathsome to simply being pathetic and a punch line? Getting his divorce news via text message during the filming of a show for MuchMusic, having his bounced rent check online, having his album sell less copies than a broken down Xerox machine, having venues give away tickets to his shows due to bad sales…. does all this make Kevin Federline the Chicago Cubs of celebrities?

Well, not really. For starters K-Fed and the Cubs are different in one very major way, the Cubs have always been a part of their league (Major League Baseball), K-Fed had to marry into his league (celebrity). Both K-Fed and the Cubs are known for fairly awful reasons, however; K-Fed for the ones mentioned above and the Cubs for years, nearly a century, of futility. Neither enjoys being a laughingstock, the only difference is the Cubs at least make an attempt to be a winner once in a while. K-Fed has, and will continue to, think he’s a celebrity, and that’s like the Cubs thinking they’re a perennial playoff contender. This is one of the reasons I want to feel sorry for him. I want to feel sorry for the guy who thinks he’s the man when it’s abundantly clear that he’s not. I want to, but I can’t.

Kevin Federline has made his bed and how he has to sleep in it. Nobody asked for K-Fed to be in the public eye. He had been a married father of one with one more on the way with Shar Jackson before he decided to dump her for the limelight of being linked to Britney Spears. With each baby Britney pushed out Federline’s name continued its permeation into both the news and the public’s vocabulary. Were it not for Britney the word Federline wouldn’t have worked its way into our lives until someone on Bass Masters created a fishing line with that as its name (“Hey there Jim Bob, did you string that Federline yet?”). Nope, K-Fed would have nothing of that, he wanted the fame and guess what, this is what comes with it.

It was bad enough when Federline decided he wanted the spotlight simply for being hitched to someone famous, but when he suddenly decided he wanted to be a rapper the jokes started flying at a furious pace. A backup dancer for one of the biggest pop acts of the decade suddenly wanted to be thought of as so hardcore that people would buy that messing with him would be like Playing With Fire. Yikes. Reality called and their PR department can’t handle this.

Suddenly K-Fed was going to be a superstar, or at least enough of Britney’s yes men and women told him he could be to lead him to believe creating a rap album would be a good idea. My boy Disco D produced the now infamous “Popozao” song that “launched” K-Fed’s career. I think even if K-Fed had been dope he wouldn’t have been taken seriously, but the fact that he was wack just kept the jokes coming.

A few weeks ago K-Fed started doing run-ins on WWE’s Monday Night Raw to promote himself (and if my people at the WWE even think of making him a mainstay, or giving him the title a-la David Arquette in WCW, they will lose a TON of longtime viewers, myself included), and then came the concert situation. Tickets were not sold, at all. 1,500 seat spaces were selling 200 tickets a show and eventually gave away tickets to try to get people in. I guess the sentiment was hey, if they’re in and listening to K-Fed you know they’re going to need a drink so it’ll be a good night for the bar.

After all has been said and done K-Fed will have a total of four kids with two different wives and will be twice divorced with a resume the includes being Britney Spears’ backup dancer and a rapper who sold 6,000 copies of a nationally released album (I know guys who’ve sell more than that out of the trunks of their cars). I honestly wanted to interview him a few weeks ago. I wanted to do a real interview with him about Hip-Hop to see if he was truly honest in his intentions to rhyme. Of course, that didn’t happen and now that the divorce news has come it’s not likely it ever will.

In the end Kevin Federline will forever be nothing more than a momentary blip on the map of a society so obsessed with celebrity that they’re willing to create something out of nothing, or in this case a photo op out of Kevin Federline.


posted by Adam Bernard @ 8:15 AM  
  • At 12:36 PM, Anonymous Bear Frazer said…

    I think it's about time that K-Fed becomes ceased from all existence and the only way to do this is to have him to Barry Horowitz and the Brooklyn Brawler.

  • At 8:35 AM, Blogger Chaz said…

    K-Fed DID debut at 151 on Billboard, which is higher than MTV VJ Jesse Camp ever got. His album also sold more than the new Flava Flav, Juggaknots, CL Smooth, Ron Artest and Channel Live combined. I think he's poised to make the greatest comeback in the history of rap.

    As much of a glorious scumbag as he is, I would much rather see his self-aware worthlessness in the spotlight than his soon-to-be ex-wife. Britney is dangerously dumb. With K-Fed, you at lease know what you're getting.

    I'd also advise everyone to pick up the album, because these fly-by-night rap career records have a huge turnover value years after going out of print. Randy Savage's 2003 album now goes for about $90.00, and the evidence of Dee Dee Ramone's one month rap career as Dee Dee King just went for $150.00 a month ago.

  • At 1:15 AM, Blogger Hex said…

    With the 15-minute candle on K-fed quickly running out, the relevance of something like this might have already passed it's "worth trying" stage, but I would absolutely LOVE to do an interview with someone like Tom Arnold about how they feel about the rise and fall of the spouse/celebrity thing.

    Not that Tom Arnold is hollywood royalty or anything, but seeing as his beginnings were less than auspicious in the eyes of the media, he's seemed to survive it enough to carve out a niche of sorts.

    Anyways, just an idea.

    --a mutual friend turned me towards your writing and your site. Fantastic stuff!!

  • At 8:18 AM, Blogger Adam said…


    First off, THANKS!

    Second, what an awesome idea. The spouse celeb concept is one that will be talked about until the end of time.

    PS - checkin out your sites in a moment.

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