About Me

Name: Adam Bernard
Home: Fairfield, Connecticut, United States
About Me: Entertainment journalist with 15+ years of experience. Supporter of indie music. Lover of day baseball, fringe movies, & chicken shawarma. Part time ninja. Nerdy, but awesome.
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Suddenly Single
Friday, February 03, 2006
Last night I sat down and watched an entire episode of The O.C. for the first time. Sure, I’d seen chunks of it before, it’s been hard to avoid these past few years, but Thursday marked the first time I relented and watched an entire ep. Before you judge me let me just say that I interviewed one of the recurring cast members and I knew he’d be on last night, which is why I tuned in (no, it's not a lame excuse! Shut up!). After seeing just one hour of the show I can see why teens are addicted to it like crack. It’s a racier Saved By The Bell that involves the adults a little more. Not convinced it’s like Saved By The Bell? Last night one of the girls said “ew” when she found one of the guys had weed and was smoking it and the effects of this magic weed lasted for over four hours. Both ideas are very SBTB. And dude, I dunno what else was in that, but no joint lasts for four hours. If yours are lasting that long you need to hit some people off with the name of your supplier.

Something else I noticed, as everyone has, about the show is that the women are beautiful. Unfortunately, in reality all those women are taken. There are a few hotties, however, that have recently become single, notably Christina Milian and Heather Locklear. Maybe they heard that I’m single and rushed to break it off with their beaus for a shot with yours truly, or maybe they just got sick of who they were with. Either way it provides me with two more women I can imagine I have a shot with (hey, I said imagine don’t let reality get in the way of my imagination, damnit!). Which woman, Christina or Heather, would be better suited for me? Both are drop dead gorgeous, and both can handle themselves financially. Looks like it’s time to look at the facts and do some statistical analysis.

Let’s start with Ms. Milian who recently broke it off with rapper / actor Nick Cannon. I respect what Nick Cannon’s been doing for Hip-Hop with his MTV show, Wildin Out, and last year’s single “Can I Live.” That being said I will still have no problem taking his ex. Christina’s dating history, however, is spotty. She’s been linked with New York Yank-Me shortstop Derek Jeter and as lifelong Mets fan this is quite the offense. There are potential plusses to this situation, though. If she dumped him she scores extra points for being the dumper, and if it was a messy breakup and she now loathes the yankee all-star it would make for an even better relationship with me (and she could possibly be a Mets fan at this point, or at least be open to it, another huge plus).

Heather Locklear is an ageless beauty who just filed for divorce from Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora. Much like Christina, Heather’s dating history is also a little spotty, she was once married to Tommy Lee. Then again she’s also been the one doing the dumping in her relationships, which is something I can respect. When age gets factored in to this equation things get a little interesting. Christina Milian was born on Sept 26th, 1981, while Locklear was born one day and twenty years earlier on Sept. 25th, 1961. So one’s turning 25 this year while the other’s turning 45. Easy choice, right? Wrong. A beautiful experienced woman can be an amazing thing and it’s not like Locklear’s in danger of losing her looks anytime soon.

So who wins this battle of the beautiful? Whoever finds their way to me first! What, like you’d complain if either of these women were into you?
posted by Adam Bernard @ 3:00 PM  
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