The New Age of Narcissism (and How We Can Combat It)

Back in the day we used to advise people to find their tribe. This involves developing your own unique personality and interests, and then connecting with those who share some, but not necessarily all, of those interests. It’s basically a way of embracing who you really are, and finding those who are on a similar wavelength.

Somewhere along the line, this concept has been bastardized, and now, rather than developing unique personalities and interests, people are deciding on tribes, and then adopting all of that particular tribe’s beliefs. Individuals are allowing themselves to be molded, and whether it’s due to loneliness, or wanting to belong to something, this toxic tribalism has led to the degradation of the concept of friendship.

It used to be people would be able to have disagreements with friends, even about very major topics, but we’d recognize the friendship was the most important thing. If someone has been there for you over time, and you’ve been there for them, everything else is secondary. Maybe they’ve helped you through breakups, the loss of a loved one, picked you up when your car broke down in the middle of the night, introduced you to your significant other, or the biggest of all – maybe they gave you a ride to, or picked you up from, the airport.

This type of friendship started to fade as social media became more prevalent. All of a sudden, people decided that in order to be friends with someone they had to agree with each other on everything. Whether or not someone has been there for you over time be damned, if you disagreed on a topic the friendship was over. “Unfriend” would be clicked. “Are you sure?” Hell yeah, that person who’d been there for you had a differing viewpoint on something, and maybe they didn’t even vote the same way you voted. Who needs ‘em?

Spoiler Alert – YOU need them. You needed them in the past, and they were there for you, and as much as you don’t want to hear it, those new friends you agree with 100% of the time will ditch you the first time you disagree with them.

Things have become even worse in recent years, as now it isn’t even enough for people to only have friends they agree with, now the narcissism has reached it’s absolute apex – forget anyone else’s opinion, only your opinion matters, and in order to be friends with you people have to agree wholly and completely with you!

Each individual now thinks they should be the center of the universe, and that everything they think, and everything they say is the pinnacle of human thought, and human experience.

This is a terrible way to live.

In my memoir I wrote about how when I announced I was diagnosed with cancer back in 2017 I received support from friends of all different religions, ethnic backgrounds, sexualities, genders, political affiliations, and belief systems. It struck me how some of these folks might not be friends with each other due to these differences, but they all had something in common – humanity. All of these people, these wonderful, diverse in thought, people supported me. They all showed they care, and I could not imagine my life without them.

It also reminded me that I have great friendships with people I don’t agree with on everything. Rival sports teams? Cool. Differing political views? No problem. Because when it comes right down to it, I know these folks will be there for me, and I’ll be there for them.

The world doesn’t, and shouldn’t revolve around me, or my beliefs (despite the name of this website), and the world doesn’t, and shouldn’t revolve around you, and your beliefs, or your neighbor, and their beliefs.

We’ve become a world of narcissists, and it’s time to regain some of our humanity.

I think it starts by looking at our tribes, and really putting some thought into if we joined them because they align with our views, or if we aligned our views with theirs in order to join them. Once we figure that out, we can get to work on a truer path of self-discovery, and welcome a variety of people into our lives.

Maybe we can even re-add some of those friends we unfriended, and be reminded of the truly important reasons those friendships existed in the first place.