Don’t Be A Creepshow

On Saturday night I went to my friend Erica’s birthday party in NYC. It was being held at a trendy spot called The Blind Barber, which has nothing to do with any brother of Tiki or Ronde. As is par for the course with me, I was there early. Thanks to Metro North I usually have two options when it comes to events in the city: super early, or too late to bother. Being super early I arrived to a sparsely populated bar (it would later be packed wall to wall, including a few girls on tables). Figuring someone else there might also be waiting for my friend I was very open about walking up to people and asking “hey, are you here for Erica’s party.” This is when I met three distinctly different types of people - the uninterested, the fun, and the super creepy.

First there was the uninterested group of people who simply said no they weren’t here for any party, and went on about their business. Second I met a fun group where one girl said “if Erica doesn’t show up I’ll be Erica” (yes, that’s one helluva good line and had Erica not shown up I probably would have acted on it). Third was the super creepy dude I overheard tell a friend that whoever they were waiting for wasn’t there yet. Figuring they might have been waiting for the same person I was I said “hey man, you guys waiting for Erica, too?” The response I received from the most diminutive member of the trio was not what I expected.

“Who’s Erica? Is she hot? If she is I’ll be leaving with her tonight.”

Slightly disgusted, I simply replied “I doubt it” and then walked away. The Napoleonic wannabe Situation in the Baby Gap sized black button down shirt wasn’t done yet, though. I sat down to chill and wait and a couple minutes later he sat down next to me, opening with the oh so classy line “so this Erica, is she hot?” I replied “that’s really creepy, man.” He said “hey, you brought up the subject.” I pointed out “no, I asked if you were here for someone’s party, you immediately asked if they were hot. You don’t even know this person. That’s really creepy, dude.” I told him that I wasn’t judging who he was based on the exchange (although I was), but, again, reiterated that he was being really creepy. He seemed to get the hint and rejoined his two male friends, who I'm sure he later high fived about how cool he was as they all went home without female companionship.

There really isn’t that fine a line between confidence and creepy and this guy was so far into the latter category I’m not sure he even knew how to act appropriately in public. He also seemed like the kind of guy who doesn’t realize reality TV isn’t all real and was doing his best to act like he was on Jersey Shore, even though the guys of Jersey Shore only act that way for the cameras (at least most of the time).

When Erica did arrive, with numerous gorgeous friends in tow, I warned all of them about the creepy short dude in the black shirt. I know with his lines he wouldn't have gotten anywhere with them, but he seemed like the type of dude who had “Roofie Aficionado” on his resume and I wasn’t about to let any of my friends, or their friends, get mixed up with someone like that.

The moral of the story is don’t be a creepshow, because you’re not attracting anyone, and I WILL tell you about it to your face.