Ron Jeremy & His One Eyed Monster

Ron Jeremy really needs no introduction. A legend with over 1,700 films to his name, Jeremy has gone from being a porn star, to being THE porn star, to being a pop culture icon. On April 28th Jeremy’s latest venture, the horror/comedy One Eyed Monster, will be released on DVD and this week I caught up with him to find out more about the movie, the reasons he feels he’s attained mainstream success, and the uncertain future of the porn industry. At the end of the interview Jeremy decided to lend a hand to the lovelorn and shared some dating advice that is not to be missed!

Adam Bernard: Let’s talk a little One Eyed Monster. The movie isn’t a porn, but a horror/comedy that takes place on the set of a porn. How’d you get involved in this?
Ron Jeremy: The film was a long time in the making because the Fields brothers had this thing they wanted to do years and years ago, it was originally called Ron Jeremy’s Dick. They had connections with a company that was pretty big and they were trying to package it back then. It was a little too bizarre, though. But then South Park came along, and I was in a film called Orgazmo, and other quirky films came along, and finally they got an investor and they made the film. The storyline is so funny and so logical that you almost want to hurl. The logic being if aliens could really look at the earth what’s the first thing they would see? It’s satellite. And the biggest thing on satellite is porn and the biggest thing in porn is me, so they would look to infiltrate my dick. In the film my dick severs from the body and kills people in the funniest ways. It drills holes right through people’s heads and slices bodies in half. They got a fantastic actor, Charles Napier, who was so great saying “yeah, we’ve seen these before back in Nam. It killed people, dreadfully. This one’s a little bit bigger though.”

Adam Bernard: And it’s all deadpan serious.
Ron Jeremy: That’s the whole idea. The film has so many deadpan jokes. The most deadpan one of all is the death scene. I’m lying there ready to die, the guy gets right next to my face and goes “are you OK,” you know, the Old Yeller thing, and I go “remember that time I fucked that chick” and I die. It’s a bizarre thing for me to say. Another great line is when after the penis severs from the body and runs across the floor the director goes “check the girl to see if her vagina walked away,” and the crew guy goes “how can a vagina walk away?” “Well I didn’t know that DICK could do it either!” I think it has the makings of being a real pop culture kinda movie, a real quirky, goofy, late night horror movie, Rocky Horror Picture Show kinda thing.

Adam Bernard: Hey, The Toxic Avenger is now a musical.
Ron Jeremy: Yeah, I know. I know Lloyd (Kaufman) very well, I’m in a lot of his movies. I’m in Toxic Avenger Part IV, Citizen Toxie, and I’m also in Poultrygeist.

Adam Bernard: Do you like the non-porn experience?
Ron Jeremy: Of course. I prefer it. I got into this business as an actor. I got a bachelors in theater, a bachelors in education and a masters in special ed. Acting was always my choice, but the job market was so abysmal for actors it was tough to get a job. When Playgirl magazine came along in 1978 I did it and one thing led to the next.

Adam Bernard: You know what else came along in 1978… me!
Ron Jeremy: You popped out! When in 1978?

Adam Bernard: October 15th.
Ron Jeremy: You’re killing me! Playgirl, October 1978, my first thing that I appeared nude in. John Ritter was on the cover. They now sell that magazine for a hundred bucks. They listed me as Ron Hyatt, then we changed the name to Ron Jeremy, my middle name. My first porn film was also in 1978.

Adam Bernard: I guess if anybody had filmed my birth it would have been my first porn film.
Ron Jeremy: Yeah, there you go. I was going into a vagina, you were coming out of one. What’s funny is me and Playboy, my age is also their anniversary. When I turned 50 they did a big article that Ron Jeremy and Playboy are now both 50. This is like those SAT exams, I am to Playboy what you are to my Playgirl and no one else would understand it except us if we just said it like that.

Adam Bernard: Yeah, “what is that semicolon doing there!”
Ron Jeremy: Get out of my colon! Semi or not! There are no cavity searches in this movie, I promise. Hey, nice segue.

Adam Bernard: Yeah, I’m impressed! Another impressive thing is the way you’ve become a pop culture icon. Why do you feel people have latched onto you and made you a mainstream celebrity the way they have?
Ron Jeremy: I’m a character actor. What I think really made the biggest changeover was The Surreal Life. I had done a lot of mainstream stuff before The Surreal Life, but after The Surreal Life studios weren’t afraid to not only have me in the show, but also have me advertise it. In the old days I’d be in a film and it would be like alright, he’s in the film, let’s not push it. Warner Brothers took a chance on me knowing I was a porn star and my season of The Surreal Life ended up having the highest ratings for a Sunday night and they gave a lot of the credit to me and Tammy Faye (Bakker). They even had us on the TV Guide Channel as #83 on the 100 Greatest Moments in TV History. It was great how they said it, too; “how do a porn star and an evangelist become friends? Only God knows.” So that made the big difference. TV, especially network TV, that’s a younger demographic. All the ones after mine were shot on VH1 and I had already done a lot of VH1; I Love the 80’s, I Love the 70’s, all kinds of music videos. It’s good to be on VH1, and it’s a very popular channel, but it’s not the same thing as network. When a network takes a chance on you, and the affiliates and the advertisers take that chance, as well, that’s pretty good. So that was a good deal for me and it enabled others to say well, if Warner Brothers could take a shot, what are we worried about?

Adam Bernard: Earlier you mentioned you have an advanced degree in special education. In your career as an actor have you had the opportunity to make use of any of that knowledge?
Ron Jeremy: Oh yeah. Are you kidding me? Learning special ed prepared me for a career in Hollywood. {laughs}

Adam Bernard: The porn industry has changed a lot over the past 30 years. What are your feelings on the animal that is the internet and how it’s affected the porn world?
Ron Jeremy: The animal was originally helping the porn business because every major adult company had an internet site. Porn has been at the forefront of most technology. The first pre-recorded cassettes were X-Rated, then the major studios followed. The first CD-ROMs and DVDs were all porn. The biggest stuff on Pay Per View and VOD is porn. Now the internet is where porn has found a really good home. Some (major) companies tried internet sites, Spielberg tried to have pop.com, Eisner’s kid had romp.com, I even had something on there, and they didn’t do as well because watching mainstream stuff, you want to see it on your big giant TV set. The computer became a place where you could be by yourself. You can go into a little corner of a room and play with your computer. So while it was a big boon and it was very helpful, now it’s destroying the porn business. It took a total turn. Porn is down a third of its business. AVN magazine is now called Anorexic Video News magazine.

Adam Bernard: Believe me, I know about the magazine industry. We’re not doin so hot either.
Ron Jeremy: Yeah, they’re suffering greatly, too, because when you can get it on the internet for free why are you gonna pay? Eventually your computer’s gonna make you breakfast, get your scrambled eggs and get you a girl. It’ll do your homework, it’ll paint your house, it’ll water the garden and cell phones will do that, too. Even cell phones now have a picture of a candle so you can wave it during a concert.

Adam Bernard: I hate that.
Ron Jeremy: That did it. THAT did it! I mean, we’re fucked.

Adam Bernard: In terms of the porn film industry do you feel quality will be an issue?
Ron Jeremy: No, because you can also put good stuff on the internet, but quality films aren’t necessarily gonna be a savior because these companies still rely on money from the internet, or money from the lesser films, the more gonzo amateur, pro-amateur, films. It’s going to be very tough, but they have to do the same things these freebies are doing, offer their stuff for free and make money on advertising. So (in the near future) you’ll be ready for a good sex scene and right before the guy’s ready to pop it’ll go “and now about Sony,” or “now a Coca-Cola break.” I don’t know if it even works, no one’s really done a decent enough survey or doctoral dissertation of what these little advertisers on the internet really do. On TV they break up a TV show with commercials. They do it in a very obnoxious, screwed up way, but they make money that way. What could a computer do to equal that? You can get rid of the commercial with pressing buttons. I don’t know how they’re making money, but they are. Youporn is making a lot of money and I don’t know how they can be if no one pays for it.

Adam Bernard: Finally, because of the life you’ve led on film you are viewed by many as a ladies man. That being said, do you have any advice for the lovelorn out there?
Ron Jeremy: Yes. Nightclubs that have dancing are the best places to meet because it’s the only place, the ONLY place, where breaking the ice is socially acceptable. If you go to a Laundromat, a restaurant, a supermarket, you can meet girls there, but it can be considered impolite. “Hi ma’am, what’s your name?” “Go fuck yourself is my name.” Or you get her husband going “excuse me, sir, you’re talking to my wife.” You don’t get that at a disco, I always say disco, it’s an old fashioned word to use, because you’re allowed to approach a stranger and say “would you like to dance?” That’s socially acceptable, and if you ask enough girls to dance you’re gonna get a yes. If not, go to the next disco down the block. So you ask a girl to dance, now you’re dancing together. You can pick up a conversation; “that’s a beautiful dress you have,” or “you have a lovely smile. What is your name?” Then if you’re lucky the DJ plays a slow song and if you’ve already danced with a girl for a little bit then she might go for it. So you get closer, now you’re hugging, look at the fun you’re having! Bars are OK, but they’re just tough. Bars are like big meat markets and there’s no dancing, so what are you gonna do? “Hi honey would you like a drink?” “Yeah, it’s called go fuck yourself, I’m here with my husband.” Or if you’re at a restaurant, “you’re very attractive, can I order you some food?” “Yes.” “Let me guess, the name of the food is go fuck yourself?” “How’d you know!” A really good thing is like a Chippendale’s, if they have a male dancer review. The women go to that and they let the men in later on in the night and then you go dancing. That’s the fucking killer. All these horny women watched those Chippendale dancers and now you come along and they want to meet men and there you are.

Adam Bernard: That is the perfect situation.
Ron Jeremy: That’s a great situation because the girls are all horny, they’re not gonna get the dancers, those guys leave, a lot of them are married, gay, or not interested, the girls are all turned on from Mr. Muscular, and then you come along and “want to dance?” “Why certainly.” Any club that has male dancers and allows the men to come in later when the male dancers are through, you want to be at that front door. You want to be first in line.

Adam Bernard: The ratio is very good.
Ron Jeremy: Right. So that’s a good situation, but I’m telling you, any disco in America is a good place to go just for the simple reason that you’re allowed to approach a girl, because normally you’re not. Just be polite. A girl can say no, but not be mean about it. If she is you can tell her to go fuck HERself. Most of them are very nice, though. They might also say “my friend wants to dance.” That often happens and you dance with her friend. Usually it’s the ugly one. {laughs} “See that girl over there with no teeth and no hair? We call her hairless and ruthless toothless. She’d like to dance please.” “Hello, Miss Ruthless Toothless, would you like to dance with me?” “Sure.” “Just keep your mouth closed, thank you very much.”

Adam Bernard: As long as she doesn’t say “go fuck yourself!”
Ron Jeremy: {laughs} Right. The dance is over. The ruthless toothless girl’s “by the way, go FUCK yourself!” Her, too? Oh no! She couldn’t even get the F out because of her lack of teeth. At that point, if a real monster dog tells you to go fuck yourself, perhaps you should. Nobody else will at that point.