A Birthday Wish Or Two

A few people have asked me what I want for my birthday, which is on Sunday, and I know most people have a list of things they want, or could use, that are easily attainable. With me, however, I’m not one for attaining possessions simply to have more things, so my lists are usually short, if existent at all. This year, now that I’m sitting down and thinking about it, there are a few things I’d like, but none of them are buyable, or creatable, by anything other than universe. It’s almost time to blow out the candles, so here goes with some of my birthday wishes. Oh yeah, and the picture will make sense by the time you finish the article.

First and foremost I’d like for the Mets to win the World Series this year. All we have to do is run through the Cardinals and, more than likely, the Tigers to make this happen. I see this as being very do-able. The rain out on Wednesday hurts the pitching staff being that we’re relying on our bullpen to get us through these games and our relievers will now have to find a way to pitch five games in a row, but Willie Randolph seems to be a genius, at least as of now, when it comes to managing his bullpen. Throw in a little speed from Reyes and Chavez, and some timely hitting by LoDuca, Beltran, Delgado, Wright and the rest of the guys and we could be looking at our first World Series championship in 20 years. I’ve been to A LOT of Mets games during that stretch and seeing them win it all again, and for the first time as someone who can stay up for an entire night game (hey, I was EIGHT when we last won it all), would be the best birthday present possible.

Next up I’m thinking career. I would love for another editor or two to figure out that I’m a great writer. Yeah, I said it, but hey, it’s my birthday so I’m allowed to big myself up a bit. As of now I have a solid base of magazines that solicit my work, but one or two more would be fantastic, especially if they’re the high paying kind. I feel I have a lot to offer publications. Not only is my writing top notch, but I always beat deadlines, I grab fantastic interviews on my own, celebs LOVE to tell me things they wouldn’t think of telling anyone else, and I’m very easy to work with. Seriously, I rarely give myself any kind of praise, my boy Ope will be the first to tell you I don’t talk about my accomplishments at all, which is something I know he’d like me to do once in a while, especially at job interviews, so don’t think of this as me bragging, think of this as me asking the universe where else my work can be featured in the magazine world.

Moving to my friends, I would love it if some really important people would start to notice that some of my people are extremely talented artists. It never ceases to amaze me how many of my friends can rhyme, or sing, or spin, circles around the vast majority of the people heard on the radio today, yet they remain in virtual anonymity for reasons beyond my comprehension. I take people to shows that feature my friends all the time and they’re floored by the talent they see, but once the show is over these artists go home and get some sleep so they can wake up for their 9-5’s. It just boggles my mind why some of these folks aren’t “on.”

A few more quick wishes before I go. I wish Stephen Colbert was president. Only Stephen can restore Old Glory to greatness and show the terrorists what an eagle’s talon to the eyes feels like. And I wish the NYPD would get off their asses and try to find the driver who killed my friend Josh Crouch, AKA LEFTist, in a hit and run incident nearly a month ago. C’mon guys, is it really that hard to go to the videotapes from the cameras by every stoplight?

Finally, I saved the least likely birthday wish for last; I wish Shakira would show up at my birthday party on Saturday, or at my doorstep at any point in time, and throw herself at me. Something tells me all the other wishes will come true long before this one, but hey, it’s still worth wishing for (and it also works as a great excuse to put that picture of Shakira at the top of this article. You can thank me later)!