About Me

Name: Adam Bernard
Home: Fairfield, Connecticut, United States
About Me: Entertainment journalist with 15+ years of experience. Supporter of indie music. Lover of day baseball, fringe movies, & chicken shawarma. Part time ninja. Nerdy, but awesome.
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Get Out Of The Bar
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Last night’s excursion to Bear & Grille was one part fun and one part not-so fun. Let’s start with the fun. A friend of mine told me a local band called The Zamboni’s was playing. She described them as a bunch of hockey fans who made every song based on hockey references. Little did I know they also performed wearing hockey shirts, jerseys and helmets. The Zamboni’s were a blast and you could tell they were having a great time on stage, which is something more artists need to remember to do. It’s not all about a paycheck, it’s also about having fun and when the artist is having fun the audience reflects that regardless of what’s going on in their lives otherwise. My favorite song of the night was one about Wendell Clark being OK. There was just something about it that was inherently funny.

The not-so fun part of the night was where The Zamboni’s were playing, Bear & Grille, AKA MILF bar. One of the bartenders there was so wack he mixed a drink for me and I just left it at the bar, telling the other bartender that what was handed to me was undrinkable. She faked that she couldn’t hear me, so I didn’t get any money back, but I think I made my point. I saw the drink just sitting there for about ten minutes before the guy had to take it away, realizing he messed up one of the easiest drinks to make ever. How do you mess up a Red Bull and Vodka? All I know is it came out YELLOW, which isn’t even close to right, and was way too sugary to drink. This wasn’t the first drink I had the the bartender messed up, earlier in the night he ruined a Screwdriver, another two liquid drink. It shouldn’t be a challenge to mix Vodka and Orange Juice, but apparently for this guy, on this night, it was. I’d say 80% of my drink was OJ. A wack bartender is always a bad thing.

MILF bar also lived up to its nickname last night. A group of women walked in and one of them was, no joke, at least seven month’s pregnant. If you are seven months pregnant what on earth are you doing at a bar? I understand there’s now no smoking in bars but all the alcohol and loud noise can’t be good for your child. A pregnant woman at a bar just isn’t right. Stay home! What craving could the bar possibly satisfy? Your want for a drunk guy you can lure into thinking you’re just a fat chick?

While I’m ranting about pregnant women in bars, if you’re going to be doing this please find some slutty clothes to wear. A maternity dress just doesn’t cut it if you’re planning on having a night out on the town while pregnant. Show those newly enlarged breasts! And last, but not least, pregnant ladies, just remember Mr. Wick’s line from The Drew Carey Show, "from the look of it you’ve already made one mistake, care to make another?" Is that really what you want to hear when you’re seven months pregnant? I should write a book, The Barhopping Guide For Pregnant Women. And I tell ya it would be a best seller (Did I just quote Jay-Z? Shit).

Fantasy Update: I’m not sure how this is even possible but almost my entire fantasy team is slumping at once. I haven’t bothered to insert Khalil Greene back into the lineup yet since he’s still struggling at the plate since his return from the DL and it seems like everyone who had been hitting suddenly stopped. I know they’ll all break out of their respective slumps in the next week or so, but it’s not as much fun checking the box scores when nobody’s doing anything for ya. With that in mind I decided to start who pitchers I wouldn’t normally start, Jeff Fassero and Brandon Backe. They face each other tonight as ESPN’s Sunday night game and I could use the K’s and the potential for a win. Let me add, however, that I’m not happy with Felipe Alou’s decision to insert Fassero into the Giants starting rotation. I really wanted him as a set up man who could get me vulture saves and wins. If he pitches well I’ll try to trade him, if he pitches poorly I’ll probably drop him in favor of a middle reliever. I’m hoping for the former, obviously.
posted by Adam Bernard @ 2:09 PM  
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