About Me

Name: Adam Bernard
Home: Fairfield, Connecticut, United States
About Me: Entertainment journalist with 15+ years of experience. Supporter of indie music. Lover of day baseball, fringe movies, & chicken shawarma. Part time ninja. Nerdy, but awesome.
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Popular Columns

The Struggles Foreign Artists Face in the US, & How to Overcome Them


Ten Secrets for Making a Show a Success Despite a Low Turnout


What Happens to an Artist When Their Record Label Folds

She Blinded Me With Science
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
I was watching TV today and came across an ad for a new kind of condom. Trojan has developed some new coverall for our dicks that has a "warming sensation." I get to thinkin, Trojan has some pretty inventive scientists to come up with this stuff. That’s when it hit me, Trojan has scientists, men with advanced degrees who spent extra years in college in order to become scientists. And what are these men and women doing with their lives? Trying to build a better condom. How’s that old saying go? If you build a better condom the pussy will beat a path to your door? It’s like one day they just said to themselves "forget AIDS, forget cancer, what can I create with some latex and a lotta time on my hands!"

Speaking of free time, last weekend, up through now, has been fairly relaxing. I don’t have another interview scheduled till Friday, which is when I’ll be speaking with Cormega again, so I’ve spent the week pitching the articles I already have written up and outlining one I’ve done all the interviews for. I’ve also spent a good amount of time looking over stats for fantasy baseball, but I’m a fantasy baseball geek, so that’s to be expected.

Over the weekend I finished Henry Rollins’ Broken Summers, which was fantastic and inspired me to find out more about The West Memphis Three. I just ordered four more books from Amazon and one of them, Devil’s Knot, is all about the WM3. I also ordered some Poe, some Kafka and some Palahniuk. Of course, right now I’m rereading Drew Carey’s Dirty Jokes and Beer so it’s not like I’m all intellectual all the time. Hey, I need my fun, too!

I got a letter from my boy Mongo yesterday. Unfortunately, from the sound of it, he never got my last letter. I had a bad feeling it wouldn’t make it all the way to him since it was in a large manilla envelope. I tried to stuff some things for him to read in there but someone probably took the package before it even came close to making it to him. I’m going to attempt to send him something else later this week.

Tonight I’m heading into the city to see Vivian Green at SOB’s. I didn’t find out I was getting the tickets for sure until yesterday afternoon so I’m having trouble finding someone to go with. It sounds insane but due to time constraints my second tickets oftentimes goes unused, which is a shame. Maybe I’ll bump into someone today who might like to go.

Final Thought: The other day I was having a discussion with my father about what the American Idol contestants should be performing instead of sappy love ballads and we both agreed The Ramones "I Wanna Be Sedated" and Bob Dylan’s "Subterranean Homesick Blues" would definitely set a contestant apart from the rest. Incidentally, I’ve noticed that whenever a singer does an upbeat song, even if they perform it only so-so they get more positive feedback than the balladeers. Also, expanding the contest and allowing people up to the age of 28 compete has opened the door to quite a few people who have this magical thing called stage presence!
posted by Adam Bernard @ 11:03 AM  
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