About Me

Name: Adam Bernard
Home: Fairfield, Connecticut, United States
About Me: Entertainment journalist with 15+ years of experience. Supporter of indie music. Lover of day baseball, fringe movies, & chicken shawarma. Part time ninja. Nerdy, but awesome.
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The Freaks of Fairfield
Saturday, December 11, 2004
For the most part last week was uneventful. I had no major interviews and I didn’t go to any of the events I was invited to. Like I’ve said in past posts, it’s the winter so I go out significantly less. I did head out today, however, to get a cup of coffee (tea for me) with a friend. We spent the better part of two hours sitting, talking and making fun of the people who walked in, or by, the Starbucks we were sitting at. Here’s a rundown of some of the more interesting people we saw.

1) Lady with the baby bag. A random woman who was spotted mixing something into her coffee (yeah, cuz Starbucks doesn’t offer enough crap already thrown into the coffee, let’s add more, ugh) had a handbag that featured a picture of a baby all around it. It wasn’t a photograph transferred onto a bag, it was like an artist’s rendering of a baby. My friend commented that she thought it was cute that the woman put her baby on her bag. But what if it wasn’t her baby? How strange would that be, a person carrying around a bag that features the likeness of someone else’s child? Does she even know the kid? Does she intend to put the baby in the bag? Is it for that specific task, to find the baby and put the baby in the bag? Did the baby come in the bag? Is it a baby she knows and wants to steal? Does she keep babies in the bag and sell them on the black market. Let me tell you there’s a good chance this could have been one sick woman!

2) The leader of the pre-teen cult. One woman pulled up to Starbucks dressed in what looked to be flashy pajama pants (which, no matter what Old Navy tells you, are not OK to wear outside) and a fleece that closely resembled an Indian quilt. After she exited her SUV a child came out, then another, then another, then another. All the children were dressed completely in white. I think they were members of a cult and the colorfully dressed woman was their leader. I wanted to lean over and say something like "hey, looks like someone’s waiting for that Hale Bop comet to pass again," but didn’t since they’d probably try to recruit me and I like my testicles.

3) Captain curb. Everyone’s seen something like this before, the person who parks their giant SUV on the friggin curb. This one was especially interesting to my friend and I since the curb in question was right next to the coffee shop, and I mean RIGHT NEXT to it. Dude (or woman) parked approximately a foot from the window we were sitting it. Before that car parked there we saw another car pull up about a foot from the window and it was at that point that I realized the little handicapped sign on the table wasn’t an indicator to show the seating was for the disabled, but a warning: sit here and you may get better parking for the rest of your life.

After Starbucks we both hit the local dollar store. Dollar stores are the greatest places, you can find more crap there than you could ever imagine. The strange thing is our local dollar store should really be called "Around A Dollar" because there are some items that are more than the store name would lead you to believe.

Once back at home I watched Hofstra kick the shit outta St. John’s! LOVE IT! We’re 6-0 to start the year! I’m starting to get flashbacks to when we had Speedy and Norm. Ah the good ol’ days, when I was a young college student and all our sports teams kicked ass.

Final Thought - Holiday shopping stinks. I can’t walk three feet in the mall without being accosted by someone who’s trying to sell me something that’s "as seen on TV." Guess what dipshit, I’m "as seen on TV," too, but you don’t see me annoying everyone with that little tidbit of information do ya? Sit back at your kiosk and collect your hourly wage, all I’m trying to do is get to GNC. Oh yeah, and since I don’t know if I’ll be posting again before Wednesday, Happy Chanukah to all my Jewish people.
posted by Adam Bernard @ 6:43 PM  
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