About Me

Name: Adam Bernard
Home: Fairfield, Connecticut, United States
About Me: Entertainment journalist with 15+ years of experience. Supporter of indie music. Lover of day baseball, fringe movies, & chicken shawarma. Part time ninja. Nerdy, but awesome.
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Frenching Death
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
There is nothing more boring than a week without any work whatsoever. As a freelancer this is like the kiss of death. It's a kiss I've learned how to work with, though. It's horrible when one has to learn how to deal with not doing work. All my life growing up I was type B, but somehow I grew up to be type A, or more precisely, type AAA. I need that determination, however, if I'm ever going to find full time work.

During this off time I've been surfing Amazon.com and I think I've figured out my next order (which I'll do when next month rolls around). Since their super saver shipping deal is for orders of $25 or more I'm going to order three books: Power vs. Force: The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior by Dr. David Hawkins, From Totems to Hip-Hop: A Multicultural Anthology of Poetry Across the Americas, 1900-2002 edited by Ishmael Reed and The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli. Yup, a book on human behavior that was highly recommended to me, a book on poetry and a book on politics. I really dare Amazon to try to recommend something based on THAT order.

I'm on the fifth of the dialogues in Plato's Five Dialogues right now and as I'm reading them I'm constantly reminded of how I almost double majored in Journalism and Philosophy. I was only a few classes away from doing it. I know it probably wouldn't have changed my current situation much, but it still hangs in my mind once in a while. I love Socrates' basic concept of question everything till you find a real answer. For someone like me, who dislikes authority, it's a fun concept to work with.

Today it's dark and dreary outside. The combination of the weather, and my lack of work, are potentially worrisome to me. It's combinations of things like these that can lead me into a temporary depression. I've talked about my temporary depression at length before but I think I finally have the most accurate description of it to date. The depression I occasionally suffer from is like being trapped in a cardboard box that's surrounded by a steel box. From the vantage point of the person they're just in a cardboard box and should be able to get out easily. The person sees no reason for why they're stuck in this box, but they are. They know they shouldn't be in the box, but every time they try to get out they can't, the steel outer box that they can't see stops them. It's a very difficult situation to be in, knowing you shouldn't be depressed but not being able to get out of it. I'm going to do everything I can to fight off that potential for depression. I think the fact that I can now see some of the symptoms creeping in is a good start. Now at least I can try to fight it. This weekend I may even rent a movie for the first time in ages.
posted by Adam Bernard @ 11:11 AM  
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