Attempting to find happiness from within
I haven't been searching enough. Searching is such a huge aspect of who I am, it's what keeps me away from stagnancy. I need to go on another search. I'm not sure what I'm searching for at this point, but I know I need to search because I'm a little bored right now. A little inspiration is really all I need. Inspiration and some cash to head out once in a while. I'm not a big partier but it's impossible to meet anyone new, anyone who could possibly inspire, without any money. The money situation has gotten so crazy that the other day I was just walking through a store, a regular old clothing sore, thinking to myself "I wonder what it would be like to work here," just because I'm so sick of working freelance. Don't get me wrong, I love writing, but the fact is, in 2004, so few people read and so few people appreciate good writing that it's damn near impossible to find full time work. I've been sending out resumes like a mad man and so far I've gotten one reply, from a weekly paper in Connecticut wanting an ENTRY LEVEL reporter for all the boring shit and grunt work. I told them I'd mull it over, but I know I'd end up completely bored in that position. I was completely bored when I was working nights at the Connecticut Post doing grunt work. I need something interesting, something that will excite my mind. The teaching concept fell through, for now. I didn't realize one needed a specialized degree, or a masters, just to teach in a public school. It's almost like our society only rewards people who want to be certain professions. I knew I wanted to be a writer since high school but I'm still struggling, yet if someone decided in their second year of college that they wanted to teach, they get their degree then BAM they're a teacher.
The arts are so undervalued. Even when I think of a place where I wouldn't mind grunt work it's always a museum or an art gallery. I can handle a job that would typically be billed as boring as long as it's in an interesting field that's ever changing. Take an art gallery for instance. The art changes all the time. New things to look at, new things to think about, new things to write about (even if the writing would be just for me). It's times like these where I really need to resort to Zen-like thoughts, find beauty in the moment, realize that where I am is great no matter where I am. Last night I started counting my blessing before I went to sleep. They weren't all monetary blessings, some were much simpler, such as "I have the ability to be awake, even when I don't want to be." Sounds stupid, but if we can learn to enjoy moments like that we win.
Today I'm heading out to lunch with a friend of mine (possibly two but the second friend almost never shows up), hittin the gym, then kickin back. After three days I'm already well over 100 pages into Howard Stern's Private Parts. I'm reading it to try to get some insight as to what he did to make it big in radio. It's an easy read so far, and very enjoyable. I expect to be reading more of it tonight as I couldn't find a good old movie to watch. Last weekend La Dolce Vita was on one of the classic movie channels (I think TCM). Even though it was in Italian with subtitles it was still hot and at times I really related to the main character. (Incidentally, the movie comes out on DVD in September, at which point I'll be picking it up) This Saturday I may be heading into the city. Maybe I'll bump into some inspiration there.
I haven't been searching enough. Searching is such a huge aspect of who I am, it's what keeps me away from stagnancy. I need to go on another search. I'm not sure what I'm searching for at this point, but I know I need to search because I'm a little bored right now. A little inspiration is really all I need. Inspiration and some cash to head out once in a while. I'm not a big partier but it's impossible to meet anyone new, anyone who could possibly inspire, without any money. The money situation has gotten so crazy that the other day I was just walking through a store, a regular old clothing sore, thinking to myself "I wonder what it would be like to work here," just because I'm so sick of working freelance. Don't get me wrong, I love writing, but the fact is, in 2004, so few people read and so few people appreciate good writing that it's damn near impossible to find full time work. I've been sending out resumes like a mad man and so far I've gotten one reply, from a weekly paper in Connecticut wanting an ENTRY LEVEL reporter for all the boring shit and grunt work. I told them I'd mull it over, but I know I'd end up completely bored in that position. I was completely bored when I was working nights at the Connecticut Post doing grunt work. I need something interesting, something that will excite my mind. The teaching concept fell through, for now. I didn't realize one needed a specialized degree, or a masters, just to teach in a public school. It's almost like our society only rewards people who want to be certain professions. I knew I wanted to be a writer since high school but I'm still struggling, yet if someone decided in their second year of college that they wanted to teach, they get their degree then BAM they're a teacher.
The arts are so undervalued. Even when I think of a place where I wouldn't mind grunt work it's always a museum or an art gallery. I can handle a job that would typically be billed as boring as long as it's in an interesting field that's ever changing. Take an art gallery for instance. The art changes all the time. New things to look at, new things to think about, new things to write about (even if the writing would be just for me). It's times like these where I really need to resort to Zen-like thoughts, find beauty in the moment, realize that where I am is great no matter where I am. Last night I started counting my blessing before I went to sleep. They weren't all monetary blessings, some were much simpler, such as "I have the ability to be awake, even when I don't want to be." Sounds stupid, but if we can learn to enjoy moments like that we win.
Today I'm heading out to lunch with a friend of mine (possibly two but the second friend almost never shows up), hittin the gym, then kickin back. After three days I'm already well over 100 pages into Howard Stern's Private Parts. I'm reading it to try to get some insight as to what he did to make it big in radio. It's an easy read so far, and very enjoyable. I expect to be reading more of it tonight as I couldn't find a good old movie to watch. Last weekend La Dolce Vita was on one of the classic movie channels (I think TCM). Even though it was in Italian with subtitles it was still hot and at times I really related to the main character. (Incidentally, the movie comes out on DVD in September, at which point I'll be picking it up) This Saturday I may be heading into the city. Maybe I'll bump into some inspiration there.
Comments