About Me

Name: Adam Bernard
Home: Fairfield, Connecticut, United States
About Me: Entertainment journalist with 15+ years of experience. Supporter of indie music. Lover of day baseball, fringe movies, & chicken shawarma. Part time ninja. Nerdy, but awesome.
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Thursday, March 18, 2004
Museum perfection. Look, but don't touch!

I'm feeling a little strange today. One of my old, ummm, "friends" from college forwarded me over a mail with some new pics of herself. I have "friend" in quotes because she started out as much more than a friend. This was THE girl for me. She's a great girl, beautiful, funny, into a lot of the same stuff I am, but not so much so that we got bored with eachother... this was THE girl I measured all other girls against (and probably still do). We ended up not ending our college days on good terms (her newfound status in a sorority made me significantly less cool because I was NOT a frat boy, though while I'm on the subject of frats big ups to Alpha Phi Alpha for asking me to be their lone white member back in college, that shit meant a lot to me and had I not been taking on an 18 credit course load I probably would have joined ya'll). A little later on, after I graduated, we started talking and being friendly again (aww, look at us, we're growing up). This girl, though, is one of those girls that does the most unfair thing in the world, and ladies ALL of you do this at some point with a man; she tells me how much she cares about me, and that I deserve the best, and that all the girls by me are crazy for not dating me (she lives on the other side of the country).... yet she wouldn't, and won't, date me. Ladies, this confuses a guy, especially me, greatly. Is it low self-esteem? I deserve the best, but you don't feel that you fall into that category? I don't get it.

This friend of mine may be coming East for a visit. I'm leaving to door open for us to get together for lunch or dinner (no, I won't try anything on her, why do something pointless that would potentially ruin, or at least set back greatly, a friendship?), but I have an underlying feeling that we won't end up seeing eachother. There's just a little voice inside me that keeps saying "she won't find time for you, so don't count on it." Maybe it's just our past history, and the fact that the last time we were in the same place at the same time we weren't on friendly terms. We HAVE grown as people since then. Maybe I'm just being pessimistic. Maybe she DOES want to make time to see me. It's weird, we reconciled and became friends again, but it was all done over the net and the phone. It almost doesn't seem completely real until it's in-person, until you can hug the person and say "hey, it's all good."

I don't want to end this on a sour note, plus I don't want this whole entry to revolve around one person, so I'll leave ya'll with a little humor. I messed up my boy's head on IM the other day. He was tryin to mess with me about how much we all get paid and I told him "I get paid by the word, and you can't afford this IM!" HA! Take that! LOL!
posted by Adam Bernard @ 3:08 PM  
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