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Name: Adam Bernard
Home: Fairfield, Connecticut, United States
About Me: Entertainment journalist with 20 years of experience. Supporter of indie music. Lover of day baseball, and B-movies. Part time ninja. Kicked cancer’s ass. My memoir, ChemBro, is out now!
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Pop Shots – Naming Beyonce’s Twins
Monday, February 06, 2017

Welcome to your weekly dose of pop world musings. Covering all things pop culture, this past week the internet went crazy with the news that Beyonce will be having twins. From what I’ve heard, Jay Z was involved with the process, and this wasn’t some sort of immaculate conception, which many Beyonce fans might like to believe.

Twins are going to be a handful for the Carter’s nanny, and the process of naming them is going to be a challenge for the Carters themselves. With that in mind, Pop Shots is here to lend a hand, as this week I’m focusing on helping Beyonce and Jay Z name their twins. Of course, since this is Pop Shots you know this will be seasoned with a little bit of attitude.

So without further adieu, here are my top five baby name suggestions for Beyonce’s twins.

Memphis Bleek and Beanie Sigel

Who better to name their twins after than Jay Z’s original proteges? Just imagine how much fun Jay would have disciplining them. “Dammit, Bleek, I told you no cookies before dinner!”

As an added bonus, having a kid named Beanie Sigel would give Jay an opening to launch a State Property line of baby clothes and accessories. You know you’d buy a “Roc the Mic” baby rattle!

Kelly and Michelle

We all know Beyonce always wanted full creative control of Destiny’s Child. What better way to finally achieve that power grab than by naming her twins after her former girl group compatriots? She’d finally have a Kelly and Michelle who would do absolutely everything she said, and if they refused, she could just send them to their room.

Come to think of it, we don’t have any proof that didn’t actually happen during the latter years of Destiny’s Child.

Swae Lee and Slim Jxmmi

I can’t imagine a better way for Beyonce to thank Rae Sremmurd for writing “Formation” for her than by naming her twins after the “Black Beatles” duo. As an added bonus for her, much like with the song “Formation,” with her twins she’ll once again be able to take all the credit for their accomplishments, and, through chores, and giving them an allowance, will pay them to do her work for her.

Young Gunz (Neef Buck and Young Chris)

The State Property duo known as the Young Gunz once gave Roc-A-Fella Records a hit record with “Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop” (which isn’t just a Dave Chappelle line when imitating Puffy). When Beyonce’s twins are born there will be nights when the Carters feel like the crying “Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop,” which would make the name apropos.

Pinky and the Brain

Maybe this is just the cartoon fan in me talking, but how great would it be to hear Jay Z and Beyonce, in the delivery room, singing the theme song to Pinky and the Brain? “They’re Pinky and the Brain / Yes, Pinky and the Brain / One is a genius, the other’s insane.”

Bonus: The power couple would be prepping one kid for being a genius. (We’ll ignore the fact that they’d also be blazing a path to insanity for the other. It’s well worth it for the names)

And with that, my time is up for the week, but I'll be back next week with more shots on all things pop.


posted by Adam Bernard @ 7:00 AM  
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