About Me

Name: Adam Bernard
Home: Fairfield, Connecticut, United States
About Me: Entertainment journalist with 15+ years of experience. Supporter of indie music. Lover of day baseball, fringe movies, & chicken shawarma. Part time ninja. Nerdy, but awesome.
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Britney's Ballooning Belly
Thursday, April 14, 2005
It’s official, Britney got speared and now she’s pregnant. The first thing I thought of when I heard the news was that there’s got to be a bidding war going on in the psychiatric field right now for the rights to be that kid’s therapist. You know once Spears' child is old enough to speak his or her first words are going to be "doctor you’re not gonna believe this." It’ll also be interesting to see how long Kevin Federline sticks around. Remember, the last time he got a girl prego he split with only a few months left before the baby was due. Come to think of it, who keeps allowing this guy to reproduce? Shouldn’t he be neutered by now?

Here's a real fun concept, what if the kid's not Federline's? Their entire relationship has been something of a trailer park love story and I think a great way to cap it off would be to hear Maury Povich exclaim "in the case of four month old baby Kevin Jr. you are NOT the father!" Britney would cry, Kevin would attempt to act tough with a nice little stare-down of his wife and then they could have a follow up show where Justin Timberlake and three of Britney's bodyguards also get paternity tests. OK, I have a sick imagination, but ya gotta admit that would make great television.

I have one more slightly warped image to put in your heads regarding this pregancy, Britney pregnant in her old "Hit Me Baby One More Time" schoolgirl outfit. It could be a powerful commentary on teen pregnancy.... or just a sick fetish that Kevin Federline may by dying to experience in the privacy of their own bedroom. Hey, he’s already had two kids, and I’ll bet he was still banging Shar Jackson while she pregnant. Yeah, I’m sorry for even putting that visual into your head, but now it’s probably stuck there, HA!

Speaking of visuals I saw an ad the other day that was slightly frightening. It wasn't frightening in the "marijuana gets you pregnant" type of way (God that ad was ridiculous.... and just for the record, I'm still not pregnant), but more in the "I can't believe how the mighty have fallen" kind of way. Let me preface this by saying I shop at Old Navy, heck I'm even wearing Old Navy clothes right now, but their latest ad for tunics is, well, sad for those of us who love Hip-Hop. Old Navy not only interpolates the Young MC song "Bust a Move" and makes it "Bust a Tunic" (which isn't even the same amount of syllables!), but it sounds like, and I really hope I'm wrong here, but it sounds like MC Lyte is the one rapping the lyrics. I spoke with Lyte a few years back and she's a very cool person and if Old Navy offered her a wad of cash I can't really fault her for taking it but damn, I never expected the woman who wrote "Ruffneck" and "Poor Georgie" to be singing about Old Navy, then again, as Chris Rock pointed out, even Rick James did an Old Navy ad (give it to me baby, give me corduroys).

In other Hip-Hop related news, I had a dope interview with Las Vegas duo The Chapter this afternoon. After receiving the advance of their upcoming album, "Us Vs. Them," I was so impressed with their work that I personally requested a phoner with them. I don't think the album comes out until late May, but when it hits record stores I seriously recommend it, it's one of my favs of the year so far.

Fantasy Update: First off Mike Remlinger sucked in his first appearance for me. Relivers sucking as soon as I pick them up is fast becoming a trend and it's a trend I'd rather not see continue all year long. I know everyone's bullpens seem to be messing up this year but my timing on picking relievers up has just been awful. Remlinger is usually pretty solid (knock on wood), so I'm hoping it was just a one game thing and he'll be back to being reliable from now on.

Tonight and tomorrow I have horrible pitching situations to deal with, two of my pitchers are facing each other each night. Tonight it's V. Zambrano and Backe, tomorrow it's Floyd and H. Ramirez. This is rough because I know I can't get more than two wins even if I start all four, which is what I'm doing based on my current last place seat in the strikeouts section of the standings. I just gotta hope for two 1-0 games where one of my pitchers gets the win in each one.

I made one player move the other day, dropping Brian Jordan for Brad Halsey. Halsey's looked decent this year and I'm storing as many pitchers as I can in hopes that over the next month a few will establish themselves as a dominant, or at least passable, force for my rotation.

Stat Attack: 15. That's the number of RBI's I had yesterday. Lovin the power output, especially since that’s what I built my team around.
posted by Adam Bernard @ 7:47 PM  
  • At 10:34 AM, Blogger The Humanity Critic said…

    LOL. Another great post man. Britney is a trip, because for someone who could look so delicious on T.V she looks like trailer park trash when she is out and about. Kevin Federine, damn man, that cat is shooting missles. He would make a fortune at the fertility clinic..lol Not to be cruel, but Shar jackson seems like you classic baby momma..

    Ok, I thought I was the only person that heard MC Lyte's voice on that Old Navy Commercial. You just know that she hated doing that, especially to that "Bust a Move" beat. Geez, the woman was in "Self Destruction" for Christs sake!! What next?? Rakim peddling KFC in a chicken costume??..lol

  • At 8:23 PM, Blogger Adam said…

    Great assesment of Shar Jackson, classic baby's momma, ha!

    Rakim schilling for KFC? "I came in the door, said it before, I want popcorn chicken and a side of cole slaw" UGH!

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